If you’re British, here’s a pop quiz …

Big Ben London scamming scammers Nigerian scams humor NigerianScamFun hysterical funnyDear Friend,

Please I will like to know if you have hired Attorney John Palmer as your representative towards the collection of your Inheritance with the deposit company. Because am corresponding to the false Email claims I daily receive from Attorney John Palmer. That you have requested and hired his services as your representative Attorney to make the collection of your $1.5Million USD inheritance estate cheque funds collection.

I will not oblige to his request, the reason is because you have not personally notify me about his coming and also after making consultations with the law suit Chamber he claimed he represent. I was told such name do not exist with the law firm either in the past or present. Without wasting much time, I have taken your cheque inheritance collection to the finance ministry to de-activate the Encrypted code been placed on it by your benefactor. All this activity was done by me last week to enable me conclude the final phase of your transaction with the finance ministry.

Meanwhile, I have received response from the Deposits company that they have received your package collection Friday last week at about 14:00 GMT.Because they were the issuing bank deposits company that notify me earlier that you have a package collection consignment for pick up as bestowed in the will document papers of late Rev Father James. Elias who issued you this $1.5Million USD payment cheque in your name. So as the attorney to the deceased I was out-rightly informed about your collections which prompt me to take decisive actions immediately by following what was stated in his will papers.

Once again, I hope and pray you use your Inheritance collection payment as issued to you wisely by investing with it and paying One tenth of it as your tithe to any Red Cross society or orphanage homes near you in helping a soul today.

Furthermore, your compliance towards this E-mail is highly anticipated, to enable the deposit company remit your inheritance payment cheque to you immediately, thank you.

I really want to know your stands on this matter before I pull OFF.

Barrister George Williams.
Legal Consultant on Mortgage Equity and Financial network.
E-mail: georgewilliams250@inbox.ru


My kind Dr. Williams –

I have not hired that Attorney John Palmer. I believe he is trying to cheat both of us, Dr. Williams. Please cease and desist your dealings with him immediately. I fear he is some sort of—dare I even say this heinous term—scam artist.

I assume you are with the advance title mortgage deposit reference company in London, England? Please confirm so I can get you the required information as soon as possible,



Dear Paul

I am in receipt of your Email response as prompt.

I have to inform you that the deposit company has issued your certified bank draft check $1,500,000 {$1.5 Million} collection to late Reverend. Father James secretary whom is Martins Owner. Immediately I forwarded the power of attorney letter of recommendations to the deposit company to release the collection to the secretary. Send your Full name and address to him, Also you can ask him to send fund through your bank account.

Meanwhile, it’s still un-believable to me that till this moment you have not made the collection of your Traveler cashier check payment with the Deposit Company. By now you ought to have started enjoying your benefits.

Here is the contact information’s For the Deposit Company.
Contact Person:, Martins Owner, who is the head of foreign remittance Department, Metropolitan Company.
Email: martinsowner@w.cn
E-mail: martinsowner@rocketmail.com

Once again, I hope and pray you use your Inheritance collection payment as issued to you wisely by investing with it and paying One tenth of it as your tithe to any Red Cross society or orphanage homes near you in helping a soul today.

Barrister George Williams


Dear Dr. George and Martins –

This whole affair is becoming very upsetting to me. I was never informed that the Reverend Father’s money has been sitting there waiting for me. How long has it been sitting? Days? Weeks?

What I am getting at is that even sitting in a simple passbook savings account of 0.1% interest, we’re talking about $29 or so worth of interest every week. And I’m pretty sure that I could get a lot closer to 1% interest with a lot of banks around here.

I think this is the sort of thing that need to be brought to the attention to the Deposit Company. At the very least, we should get that church secretary’s ass fired. It’s just unacceptable that I was uninformed until now.

Please let me know what the next steps are so I can get my money.



Dear Sir,

Thank you today, this is to remind you that I have not receive any reply from you on my last mail to you, please do reply to enable start the process of getting your said inheritance fund released to you.

Martins Owner


Hello Martins –

I did not receive your reply to my last email, where I expressed my concerns about whether interest would be included. I do not feel that I should be penalized for this error on the Deposit Company’s account. What amount will be added to the $1,500,000 to make this right? And has that moronic secretary been fired yet?

I am looking forward to your answers before we proceed.

Thanking you in Christ,



Thank you for your mail and question about your interest that the fund accumulated please i will just want you to forget about the interest and go on on the claim also nobody is arrested since the bank did not honor their request, i need to tell you that your Certified Check has been issued and ready to be send to your address, as given,i will be happy if you understand my stand, what is needed is bank official Linguistic fee to enable them released this certified cashier check to me for onward post to your giving address, your urgent reply will be honored.

Your Sincerely
Martins Owner


Hello Martins –

Fine. After much soul searching, I have decided to drop my request for the interest. But I am unclear as to why we are paying a fee for the scientific study of human language?

Now, if there was just some sort of bank fee, well, I’d understand that, for sure. But a linguistic fee just seems so random and over the top. Would you please check into what this is all about? I’ve never been a huge fan of the humanities.

Thank you,



Thank you for this mail,i went to the bank immediately i received your mail to ask what this fee stands for and i was told that, it is documentations like clearance certificate and to notarize the document that will accompany the fund to it country of transfer, please sir our delaying this issue will not help, send to me as soon as possible the bank information were you will want this fund transfer, and i was told that you should send the charges using the name of, Sarah Joy, address, United Kingdom London you can send through Money gram money transfer or western union money transfer,

I wait for your reply
Martins Owner


Hello Martins –

Okay, I suppose that is acceptable. I have about $6,800 in my savings account, so hopefully the fee is not that much, I’d prefer not to have to temporarily borrow any money. What is the actual amount of the fee? You have never told me.

Also, my wife is a little suspicious. Do not worry, I have mostly satisfied her about this transaction, I’ve explained that you are a trustworthy man and that this is all in the name of the most holy Reverend Father. But she said that sometimes there are Nigerians who are posing as English bankers and they’re not really English bankers, they’re Nigerians. To finally shut her up, we agreed that I could just have you answer some basic phrases/expressions that an Englishman would know (or if Sarah Joy can answer them, that would satisfy my wife, too).

I’ll paste my wife’s questions below as fill-in-the-blanks.

Jolly old ________
The clock tower of Big ________
Fish and chips and ____________
The ____________ of Parliment
Who wants to really ____________?
Queen ________ II
Celery and raisin _______________
Patricia ___________________
Dig me up a __________________

Please send me the answers and I’ll get my wife to agree to this. And let me know the exact amount of the fee so I can send it to Sarah Joy immediately thereafter!

Thank you again,


P.S. I think you forgot Sarah Joy’s address. You just had it listed as “address.” Or is that the name of a street in downtown London (confusing if it is, huh?). Sorry about my confusion there.


I cannot understand why all this questions look below if this ok with you
Jolly old ________saint nicholas

The clock tower of Big ________Ben

Fish and chips and ____________ vinegar or peas

The _Westminster of Parliment

Who wants to really ____________? hang out with me

Queen ________ II pts

Celery and raisin _______________ sandwich

Patricia ___________________Louise

Dig me up a __________________milk and cookies


Martins –

Thank you for your cooperation. My wife said you scored perfectly! Maybe now that woman will go back in the kitchen and keep quiet. Not that I want her to actually cook, mind you. Her meatloaf could kill a horse.

Anyway, let’s get to business. I need to know the fee amount and where to send it. Please let me know.

As a short aside, are you any relation to Marty “Chesty” Owner Jr., the former barrister of Oxfordshire-on-Spanglish? He and my father were very good friends back in college in the 1970s, and as a coincidence, they actually spent a summer serving as interns in the Westminster of Parliment. Well, I’m guessing it’s a pretty common last name there in England, but you never know. It is a small world.

Looking forward to your instructions,



thank you once more, the amount is 340 pounds and it equivalent to dollar is $680, send using the name of SARAH JOY,United Kingdom London, the world is a small world as you said, my promise to you is that fund will be released to you under 48 hours once this payment is received.

Martins Owner


Good morning Martin –

This is great, wonderful! I’ve just returned from the Cleveland airport post office, which is open 24 hours. I mailed $680.00 in cash to Sarah at this address, as instructed:

Sarah Joy
United Kingdom

I hope I did it right. I used a $0.98 international first class stamp, so I’m thinking it will arrive in 3 or 4 days, worst case scenario. Please have Sarah watch her mail, and let me know when it is received.

I couldn’t tell from your response whether you know Chesty Owner. He wouldn’t be your father or uncle by chance? Maybe your comment about it indeed being a small world was acknowledging that you two are related? That would be so, so, so, so, so, funny.

Your friend,





8 Responses to If you’re British, here’s a pop quiz …

  1. LOL, I can imagine him Googling all those expressions, both the legitimate ones and the random/bizarre ones. Still can’t believe he answered them all!

  2. Dear Mr. Paul,
    Am foreign hotelier. Please to help me market my bed bug product in United America?

    • Cinnamon, it’s been too long, hope you are well. Let’s talk at the next Yellowknife Hotel Investment Conference.

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