I’ve always wanted my own barista

I am Wong Sai Fong, an attorney at law. A deceased client of mine,
that shares the same last name as yours,died as the result of a heart-
related condition on March 12th 2005.His heart condition was due to the
death of allthe members of his family in the tsunami disaster on the 26th
December2004 in Sumatra Indonesia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_Indian_Ocean_earthquake

I can be reached on (wong.saifong.saifong98@gmail.com) for
more information.My late Client has a deposit of Nineteen Million
Dollars (US$19 Million Dollars) left behind.

Best regards,
Barr Wong Sai Fong
Attorney at Law

*****

Hello Barr Wong and Lee –

I sure appreciate your contacting me. It is not too surprising that your client had the same last name as me. While I likely do not know how he or she was related, there are quite a few Heneys in the Sumatra area.

The history of how this came to be is actually pretty interesting. My great grandfather, Samuelly Heney, was one of the principal investigators into the disappearance of Amelia Earhart, the famed woman aviator whose plane disappeared over the Pacific in 1937. Unlike other investigators, Samuelly was convinced that she overshot all her targets and ended up marooned on an island somewhere in the Indian Ocean. In a bizarre twist of fate, his own plane crashlanded on Sri Lanka in the early 1940s, and while he survived, he was unable to repair his plane. He spent several years in a suburb of Colombo before meeting a young adventurer named Pari McKuster. Samuelly and Pari ended up buying a boat and sailed eastward. They ended up in modern day Burma, where they helped squash a rebellion by the Ewoks, a native people who lived in the interior of the country. As a result, the ruler of Burma, Vut KiRiprip, the so-called “Cardinal King” sent them on a special mission to Jakarta, where he was trying to find the kidnapped prince of Singapore. Samuelly went on alone, as Pari had become an invertebrate (you know, confined to a wheelchair). Although he scoured the area, Samuelly never found the prince, who, it was assumed, died of polio. Disenchanted, he eventually moved back to Nebraska, where he took a job as the manager of one of the first McDonalds franchises in the Great Plains. There, he met a Sumatran woman, and they relocated.

But back to your client and your situation. It is a sorry, sorry situation and heart-breaking (no pun intended). Were you close with him or her? That must be tough on you, as well. My condolences. I know it has been six whole years since the tragic disaster in Indonesia, but the pain never fully subsides, you know?

If I am the lone survivor, and the money you speak of would rightfully be mine, please let me know how we should proceed in this matter. Although the whole idea of the inheritance is new to me, I think it might be appropriate to take some portion of the money and put it toward a memorial to my distant relative and all the other victims of the tsunami, those who died, those who didn’t die but died later, those who still might die, and those of us who are the living ones who have memory of things and so forth and such. I’d appreciate your thoughts on that, too.

I look forward to your sincere and most speedy reply,

Paul

*****

Dear Paul J. Heney,

Your quick response to my mail is quite appreciated.

I need your full cooperation to enable me present and file in your name as the due beneficiary and next of kin to my late client whom you share same last name as and who died as the result of a heart-related condition. His heart condition was due to the death of all the members of his family as earlier explained, who until his death was an oil contractor and lived all his life here in Malaysia, but unfortunately died intestate i.e without a will.

This funds in question are deposited in a local bank here in Malaysia, and if they are not claimed within a time as permitted by the government, the government will confiscate it.

Presently, I am in possession of all relatng documents, and considering the present state of affairs, I will make them available to you only when you agree to work with me as partners

I want this done so that I can use a good part of my share for helping the poor and the needy and for charity works. You shall receive 45% for your assistance.

However, I must assure you that this transaction is safe and all modalities is in place to ensure that this is done in a legitimate way without a single breach of law. Based on your maximum cooperation, we will finalise this transaction within 14 working days.

I shall require from you , your FULL NAME and CONTACT ADDRESS with TELEPHONE NUMBERS to start the process of claim in this regard.

Again I guarantee that all is under control and you have nothing to worry about, Just grant to me your full cooperation and keep this transaction close at heart..

Sincerely yours.
Barr. Lee Yang-Boo
TEL: +60 17 6433907

*****

Dear kind Barr. Lee Yang-Boo –

I certainly appreciate your very fast response to me email. I think your plan to split the money is a wise and reasonable one, and it makes me happy that you also want to help the poor and needy.

It really is a sad thing that this poor fellow died because of problems with his heart and his intestines and on top of that he had no will. That actually makes me think that I should work on my own will. Though it would probably make more sense to do that after this inheritance is processed. Barr. Lee, you should think about doing the same thing, if you have not done so already. I give you this advice as a friend.

But before we proceed, I have a few simple questions, please excuse my nervousness in this regard. I have never had an inheritance before.

1. Will any of my three ex-wives have a claim to this money?
2. Does Malaysia have any sort of VAT or tax that would be applied to my share?
3. Will I receive my share in U.S. dollars or some other sort of currency like grunks or flippos (or whatever they’re called there)?

Please let me know your thoughts on these issues. Thank you for your patience with me, and I look forward to working with you.

Sincerely in your friendship and peace,

-Paul

*****

Dear Paul J. Heney,

Your quick response to my mail is quite appreciated.

In response to your mail. I want to state that this inheritance will be approved in your name and transferred for you only. Nobody else has the right to lay claim to this fund once we have gotten the legal covering documents from the court.The inheritance right is not transferable to another person.

The process of this transaction will be followed strictly under the Malaysia laws and with the laid down plans, i do not forsee any sort of taxes beyond our capability but once transferred, you will not be charged to pay anything in your country in form of tax or VAT.

Furthermore, the fund will be transferred to you in US dollars which is the original currency of this fund.
.
All I need is your FULL NAME and CONTACT ADDRESS with TELEPHONE NUMBERS to start the process of claim in this regard.

Sincerely yours.
Barr. Lee Yang-Boo
TEL: +60 17 6433907

*****

Dear Barista Lee –

Thank you for your very fast and thoughtful responses. I’ve always considered the Malays an efficient people, and you have confirmed this stereotype.

Here is my information, I hope this is sufficient.

Paul Heney-Bakugan
2331 Tadpole-Westfield Lane
North Olmsted, Ohio 44070
I am 55 years old.
I am male.
I am a stereolithographer, with a specialty in physical therapy.
My annual income is $44,500.
I don’t have a way to copy my ID, but my Ohio drivers license number is T695KY22

I would prefer that the money be transferred in larger bills (e.g., not 5s or 10s).

Please let me know the next steps.

Warmly,

-Paul

*****

Dear Paul J. Heney,

Thanks for your mail and details.

Firstly, I will proceed to the bank to formally apply for release of claim in your name and furthermore, I shall also check for a competent financial expert who will handle the documentary part of this claim on your behalf.

It is important you follow my instructions as that is the key towards the success of this transaction.

I will further instruct you on what to do assoon as I gather all information needed to proceed. Please confirm your direct telephone number for easy reach.

Sincerely yours.
Barr. Lee Yang-Boo
TEL: +60 17 6433907

*****

Dear Paul J. Heney,

I have gone to the bank and file in your details as the next of kin.

As a guiding step,the services of a reputable attorney with international experience on financial and monetary matters to process your legal documents for the claim as would be appropriately applied for, would be very much required. You are required as a matter of necessity to fill and forward this Representation Permission to Barrister Nelson George (S.A.M) via email to enable him commence the necessary action on your file.

Meanwhile, I have officially filed your name in the bank to backup the claim and consequently, you are required to contact accordingly, the professional attorney on financial matters who is awaiting to hear from you, having been briefed of the whole transaction
You are required to fill the Representation Permission below, and forward it to his email for quick action

His details are:

NAME: NELSON GEORGE (S.A.M)
OFFICE: NELSON LAW OFFICE
Email: lawofficenelson@yahoo.com.my
Direct Tel: 60 17 2534104 (24 hrs)

Representation Permission

I ……………………………… of ……………………………………… do authorize you to act on my behalf in Securing my covering papers from the court and take up all necessary processes needed to conclude the release of my inheritance bequeathed to me by my relation Late Mr. Andrew Heney of value US$19,000,000 .00.
Yours sincerely
Name:……………..
Address:………….
Tel: ……….

*****

Dear Barista –

I am just devastated in finding out that it was my nephew, Andrew, who had died. He was such a bright young man, with such a future ahead of him. I had just talked to him recently, and thought he was living in Indiana. But discovering that he had moved to Indonesia and has been dead for six years has made me question nearly everything about my sanity.

Nonetheless, I will contact Nelson “Sam” George (wow, three first names!) and try to get this figured out.

Sincerely,

-Paul

*****

Dear Sam –

I am writing on behalf of my barista, Lee Yang-Boo. He has suggested that I contact your office, as my late nephew, Andrew Heney, has bought the farm, as they say. Apparently there is $19,000,000 left in his estate and I would like to claim it.

Please find my Representation Permission below.

Also, does your office handle medical malpractice suits, as well? I have had an ongoing issue with my dentist, who I believe caused me several melanomas, not to mention heartache.

Thank you,

-Paul

Representation Permission

I …being…………………………… of ….sound mind………………………………….. do authorize you to act on my behalf in Securing my covering papers from the court and take up all necessary processes needed to conclude the release of my inheritance bequeathed to me by my relation Late Mr. Andrew Heney of value US$19,000,000 .00.
Yours sincerely
Name:…Paul Heney-Porterhouse…………..
Address:..2331 Tadpole-Westfield Lane, North Olmsted, Ohio USA……….
Tel: …55 years old…….

*****

NELSON LAW OFFICE
6, Jalan Petrie
84000 Muar,
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

ATTENTION: PAUL HENEY

Your application was well received. Hence, I will be proceeding to the high court by tomorrow morning to file the application for the inheritance claim and to accord to you the locus standi as the bonafide next of kin and true beneficiary to this fundat the probate department.

As soon as I have receive the endorsed requirements, I shall forward them for immediate action by you. Do immediately send to me a copy of your identification for the proceeding either by scan as email attachment or fax.

I will do my best and ensure all goes well for you and the result is attained.

I expect your immediate response.

Yours Sincerely,
Barrister George Nelson (S.A.M)
(LAWYER IN-CHARGE)

*****

Sam –

I’m not sure if it’s some kind of pagan holiday there in Malaysia, but Lee Yang and I are really trying to get this money issue settled. I’d appreciate your speedy (if you even do that over there) response.

Sincerely,

-Paul

*****

NELSON LAW OFFICE
6, Jalan Petrie
84000 Muar,
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

ATTENTION: PAUL HENEY

I have filed on your behalf the application for the release of the funds to you, and as soon as the necessary requirements as will be duly endorsed and registered by the court are out, all will be sent across to you, for prompt action.

At the moment, there has been no information from the court yet. We are still waiting to hear from the court. It is when i get further information that i shall tell you what next to do.

Hopefully, we will get the verification details and the final requirements from the court within the next few days.

Yours Sincerely,
Barrister George Nelson (S.A.M)
(LAWYER IN-CHARGE)

*****

[Never heard from them again]

 

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