Saving all my scams for you

[Note Whitney Houston song titles in red for this one ...]

 

From: Moreno Garcia

My names is. Moreno Garcia. I was diagnosed of cancer about 2 years ago,
and am receiving treatment for it, but now the doctors are saying I have a
short time to live.

I want you to assist me in carrying out an assignment. Please Get back
to me for details of the assignment.

Stay Blessed,

Mr. Moreno Garcia

 

*****

 

I am so emotional to hear of your predicament. Sickness is such a terrible thing. It’s not right, but it’s okay, you know? If I told you that I was on you side, I hope you’d believe me. My one wish is that you’ll never stand alone.

I look to you for more details of how I can help.

Love will save the day,

Patricia Whitney Heney

*****

Dear Patricia Whitney Heney,

My name is Mr. Moreno Garcia. I am from Portugal . I have been
diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. It has defiled all forms of
medical treatment, and right now I have short time to live, according
to medical experts. I have not particularly lived my
life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even
myself)but my business. Though I was rich, I was never generous,
I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as
that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I
now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or
make all the money in the world. I believe when given a second chance
to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I
have lived it.

Now that my creator has called me, I have willed and given most of my
property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as
well as few close friends .I want my creator to be merciful to me and
accept my soul, I have decided to give alms to charity
organizations and those in Need, as I want this to be one of the
last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have Distributed money to
some charity organizations when I was well. Now that my health has
deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked
members of my family to close my account and distribute the
money which I have there to charity organization in United States,
Asia, Middle East & Europe, they refused and kept the money to
themselves.

Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended
with what I have left for them. The last of my money which no one
knows of is the huge cash deposit of Twenty Million United States
Dollars ($20, 000, 000.00) that I have with an Asset Management /
Vaulting Company Abroad. I will want you to help me collect this
deposit and distribute it to charity organizations and use it to help
those in Need.

N/B:Kindly note that 80% of this funds must go to Charity Organizations
around the World and 15% for your effort and time, 5% for the payment
of the legal fees to the attorney that will take care of the legal
documents.

I cannot talk with you on the phone due to my health situation, as I
am using my Lap Top Computer to communicate with you.

You should respond to this e-mail if you are interested in carrying out
this assignment on my behalf.

God be with you.

Mr. Moreno Garcia.

*****

Mr. Moreno Garcio of Portugal –

My heart is calling out after hearing your plight. Somebody bigger than you and I has plans for you but we didn’t know. But when you believe, it is worth it, my friend.

My great grandfather used to say to me, “Susan (my name is not Susan but he always confused me with my twin sister), one of those days, the moment of truth will be upon you. I have nothing for you but these words of advice.” Then he would hold me. So I guess you could say that I learned from the best.

How will I know if you’re okay? I believe in you and me—and we will get through this difficult time. Just exhale and you will be alright. Count on me!

Thinking about you,

Patricia

*****

Dear Patricia Whitney Heney,

I am yet to get your reply to my last message. I need your reply so that I will write the mail to the company informing them about your representing me.

I am waiting for your quick reply.

Mr. Moreno Garcia.

*****

Mr. Moreno Garcia –

Sorry that I have taken so long to get back to you, it’s been a long few days at work—same script, different cast! But I’ve realized we have something in common. Have you ever asked yourself why does it hurt so bad? I mean you give good love to your wife and she turns on you. All at once, you realize the greatest love of all has left your life.

This happened to me many years ago, Moreno, but I didn’t know my own strength. I know him so wellall the man that I need is what I had. Ain’t no way I’m going back. It would take a miracle.

Saving all my love for you,

Patricia

*****

Dear Patricia Whitney Heney,

Thanks for your mail which include the details about your person.

What I will do next is t write the letter of introduction to the company, and for
me to do that I want you to send to me the following information’s (1) Your full
names (2) Your contact address (3) Your phone number.

With this information’s I will write a letter of introduction to the company
immediately and a copy of the letter will be sent to you for your record
purpose and perusal.

Like I wrote in my previous mail to you, I strongly believe that life on Earth
is temporary , but our Soul is eternal and further existence is defined by God
and depends on how and what the man lived for. My disease is not a punishment
, but God’s favor to me , because I have clean my soul by it. You have given
me your word and i want to believe you, I have trusted people and they have
disappointed me, people that are so close to me. So , I have talk to my
creator to show me somebody that can assist and not disappoint me. Also i have to
be careful with whom i deal with concerning this project.

As soon as I receive the information’s from you, I will write the letter to the
company. Also, what I need from you is prayer because time is not on my side
again.

Thanks and God Bless you.

Regards,

Mr. Moreno Garcia.

*****

Mr. Moreno –

I belong to you, you have me at your service. For the love of you, I would do anything. I would run to you, step by step.

I will always love you,

Patricia

*****

Dear Patricia Whitney Heney,

I got your message, but from the content of your mail, you are not responding according
to my messages, I requested for some information for me to ba able to write to the company,
but you did not send the information’s I needed from you. In my previous message to you I
also asked you some questions too but you did not answer them as well. I want you to please
ready my mail and respond to them accordingly, as well make additional comments.

Kindly, send to me the information’s I needed from you so that I will write the letter to the
company, I do not have any more time on my side, so I have to do what I need to do now that I
am able to.

Waiting for the information’s from you.

Regards,

Mr. Moreno Garcia.

*****

My dear Moreno –

I believe the children are our are future—teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside, give them a sense of pride, to make it easier. Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be. Everybody’s searching for a hero, people need someone to look up to. I never found anyone who fulfills my needs; a lonely place to be. So I learned to depend on me.

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows. If I fail, if I succeed, at least I’ll live as I believe—no matter what they take from me. They can’t take away my dignity. Because the greatest love of all is happening to me.

My love is your love,

Patricia

*****

Dear Patricia Whitney Heney,

What you have sent is not in accordance with my message to you. If you do not respond according to my message, I think I will stop communicating with you concerning this issue.

Regards,

Mr. Moreno Garcia.

*****

Where do broken hearts go? :-(

Patricia

*****

[No reply]

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You know it’s bad when they ask ME to stop emailing them …

From The Desk of Andrew Young
Department: Senior Manager Accounts/Audit

Good day, I apologize for sending you this sensitive information via E-mail Instead of a Certified/Post-mail. This is due to the Urgency and importance of the information. I humbly crave your Indulgence to read this e-mail with all seriousness of purpose devoid of any doubt in Your mind because this project is based on trust, confidentiality and Sincerity of purpose in order to have an acceptable meeting of the Minds. Although, we have never met before, but I have every reason to Believe that you are a highly respected personality, considering the fact that I got your e- mail address through internet , while Searching for a reliable and reputable person to handle this transaction.

I am a senior manager accounts/audit one of the well known bank. I am writing you following an opportunity in my office that will be of immense benefit to both of us. In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of 10.5 million United States dollars (Ten million five hundred Thousand United States dollars Only) in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customers late Mr. Morris Thompson who unfortunately lost his life in the Plane crash of Alaska Airlines Flight 261 which crashed on January 31 2000, including his wife and only daughter.

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin or relatives to come over and claim his money, because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines.

Unfortunately I discovered that his supposed next of kin being his only daughter died along with him in the plane crash leaving nobody with the knowledge of these funds behind for claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I and two other officials in this department now Decided to make business with you, and release the money to you as the next of kin or beneficiary of the funds for safety keeping and Subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don’t want this money to go back into government treasury as unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guidelines here stipulates that any unclaimed money after some years will be transferred into banking treasury account as unclaimed funds. We agreed that 50% of this money would be for you as foreign partner, while the balance will be for us.

I will visit your country for the disbursement according to the percentages indicated above once the funds gets into your account. Please be honest with me.

To commence this transaction, we require you to immediately indicate your interest by a return e-mail and enclose the Following information:
1. Full name
2: Your private telephone and Fax numbers.
3. Occupations and Nationality. Note this transaction is confidential and risk free. As soon as you receive this mail contact me through my private E-mail address andrewyoung884@yahoo.com.hk Please note that all the necessary arrangement for the smooth release of these funds to you has been finalized. We will discuss much in details when in receipt of your details.

Best regards
Andrew Young

*****

Dear Mr. Young –

This is such an honor! Thank you for contacting me. I have been a big fan of yours ever since you were the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations! That is so great! And now you’re working at a well known bank! Wow. Just wow!!!!

I would be so, so happy to help you out on this project. What can I do to assist? Also, do you ever see Maynard Jackson these days? Are you two friendly or more rivals?

With pleasure,

Paul Heney Troutwaith III
“Your friend in waiting”

*****

Kindly forward your full contact details as requested to enable me to call you for further talk.

*****

I’m afraid I’ve offended you, you didn’t respond to anything I wrote. I am so sorry. Things between you and Maynard must be tense. I understand how you must feel. One time, my sister-in-law, Melinda, had gone all off on me about how I banged my car door against her car door and she was all, “There’s no banging in this house!” and I was totally like, “Well, you’re all at MY house right now, Mel!” and she’s all, “Don’t you go calling me Mel like we’re suddenly best buddies, because you were banging and you know you were.” So I said, “I was NOT banging, I stopped the damn car door a good inch or two from your damn car.”

But then she got all huffy and said, “Then what is this dent in my car door that is PURPLE, huh? My car ain’t got any purple on it, it’s a friggin’ RED car. And oh, look, what color is your car, huh? What color is it? Huh? Why won’t you say the word? That’s because it’s friggin’ PURPLE, bitch!” And I’m all like, explaining that there are millions of purple cars on the road and how do we know that some dude in a purple car didn’t do that to her car in a mall parking lot or while she was at the nail salon (she works there with a bunch of Korean chicks) or at the “Everything’s just 99 cents!” store? I mean, come ON … she is such a piece of work.

Anyway, are you ok with Maynard or not? I mean, I am happy to help you with this banking stuff either way. Let me know how I can help you, bud!

Peace,

Paul Heney Troutwaith III
“Your friend in waiting”

*****

You still have not forward your contact information as requested.You knew all that is needed which fully stated in my first mail to you.Could you in a simple terms forward your contact phone number,your address and occupation?Upon receipt of the requested details I will call you for further discussion.

I await your urgent response.

Andrew

*****

Good morning, Andrew!

Thanks for the note, and I’m still getting the feeling that you guys have had a bad argument. I am very sorry for that. I didn’t mean to unload all my feelings and anger and resentment and hatred and annoyance and exasperation and grumpiness and sadness and frustration about the situation with my sister-in-law, but now I see that that is exactly what I have done, my friend. And for that, I deeply, deeply, deeply apologize. Sometimes I make things all about me when in fact, it is all about the other person and I should be concerned about what they are feeling and if they need to be held or even have just a nice word or two said to them because that simple gesture would make them feel so much better than they had before the person said that nice word or two. So again, I apologize for being so self-centered there in my last email to you when I really shouldn’t have been that way.

As I said before, I want to help you with this plan, but on the advice of my roommate, he said we should do everything through email and not over the phone, just so I have a record of everything we discuss and then you will really have copies of the emails too and then we are both sort of protected. It isn’t that I don’t trust you or you don’t trust me, but sometimes money or religion or sex or politics or clothes shopping can be touchy subjects between friends or even casual friends or business people working with each other on something, so it is probably best to do it through email, kind of like I was saying before. I hope that is okay, it is okay with me, which is why I had suggested it to you in this email.

And by the way, my occupation is a Registered Nurse with a specialization in catheters and I am a full citizen of these here United States of America. Go Canucks!!!

Oh, I meant to ask, do you need any of my bank account information for this whole project? Let me know.

Warmest wishes,

Paul Heney Troutwaith III
“Your friend in waiting”

*****

if you are not ready for this transaction stop contacting me.I really cannot make sense out of what you are sending.I have ask you severally to confirm your full contact details and you keep sending irrelevant message.

*****

Good morning Andrew!

I am sensing that there is some problem with communication between us. I hope that that is what is going on, and it is not your fear of confronting your issues with Maynard. Sometimes, when we let things fester and fester and fester and fester and fester some more, we’re really only hurting ourselves, the one we love the most.

I’ll repeat my information you needed, because it sounds like you didn’t get it. I am a Registered Nurse with a specialization in catheters and a minor in folding — and I am a good ol’ citizen of the U. S. of A. (That’s U.S.A.)

My fax is 1-440-209-7500. Do you need my bank stuff, too?

Happy,

Paul Heney Troutwaith III
“Your friend in waiting”

*****

I need your phone number for us to talk and proceed with this transaction if truly you are working with me.

*****

Which phone number do you need?

Paul Heney Troutwaith III
“Your friend in waiting”

*****

YOUR PHONE NUMBER.WHO ELSE PHONE NUMBER SHOULD I REQUEST FOR?

*****

I have three numbers. I have a home phone and a cell phone and a work phone. I wasn’t sure which one you’d think was best?

Paul Heney Troutwaith III
“Your friend in waiting”

*****

[No reply]

*****

Good morning, Andrew!

I am becoming a little bit concerned about you. Is everything okay? You had asked me about a phone number and I wasn’t sure which one you wanted so I sent an email to you and then you wrote back all in capital letters, which sometimes means people are mad or it’s like they’re shouting or something, like they’re really angry at the person they’re talking to in that email there. Or maybe you just had that caps lock thing on and you didn’t mean it like it was shouting at me, but I really don’t know which of those things it was, so I am worried that you’re angry at me when maybe this is all sort of a silly misunderstanding over the whole caps lock kind of thing.

But now it’s occurred to me that maybe this whole argument you are having with Maynard Jackson is what’s getting you down. And maybe you should go over your old emails to him, because I am thinking about this whole caps lock thing. Maybe you were talking to him and joking about something but you hit that caps lock button and started typing the joke to him but it was in all capital letters and he thought you were actually yelling at him. See, sort of like this. I could say what are you doing today, Andrew? and it is ok. But if I wrote WHAT ARE YOU DOING TODAY, ANDREW? it sort of comes across as combative, like maybe you weren’t doing something that you said you’d do for me, like pick up my cat from the vet and now they’re closed and I can’t get my cat until tomorrow because you forgot to pick up Mr. Wiggles and I will also have to pay an extra $12 because it’s sort of like they’re boarding him overnight. And I was angry at you for all of that after you said you’d help by picking up Mr. Wiggles. So maybe that’s what happened with you and Maynard. Maybe this whole argument was really just a lack of communication that you have had. I hope that this makes you feel better, and maybe you can reach out to him to see what he’s really frustrated about. Maybe it’s really nothing and you can still be friends!!!

Well, do let me know which of my phone numbers you want. I have one that is my home phone and one that is my work phone and also one that is my cell or mobile phone!

Talk soon!!

Paul Heney Troutwaith III
“Your friend in waiting”

*****

[No reply]

 

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I’ve always wanted my own barista

I am Wong Sai Fong, an attorney at law. A deceased client of mine,
that shares the same last name as yours,died as the result of a heart-
related condition on March 12th 2005.His heart condition was due to the
death of allthe members of his family in the tsunami disaster on the 26th
December2004 in Sumatra Indonesia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_Indian_Ocean_earthquake

I can be reached on (wong.saifong.saifong98@gmail.com) for
more information.My late Client has a deposit of Nineteen Million
Dollars (US$19 Million Dollars) left behind.

Best regards,
Barr Wong Sai Fong
Attorney at Law

*****

Hello Barr Wong and Lee –

I sure appreciate your contacting me. It is not too surprising that your client had the same last name as me. While I likely do not know how he or she was related, there are quite a few Heneys in the Sumatra area.

The history of how this came to be is actually pretty interesting. My great grandfather, Samuelly Heney, was one of the principal investigators into the disappearance of Amelia Earhart, the famed woman aviator whose plane disappeared over the Pacific in 1937. Unlike other investigators, Samuelly was convinced that she overshot all her targets and ended up marooned on an island somewhere in the Indian Ocean. In a bizarre twist of fate, his own plane crashlanded on Sri Lanka in the early 1940s, and while he survived, he was unable to repair his plane. He spent several years in a suburb of Colombo before meeting a young adventurer named Pari McKuster. Samuelly and Pari ended up buying a boat and sailed eastward. They ended up in modern day Burma, where they helped squash a rebellion by the Ewoks, a native people who lived in the interior of the country. As a result, the ruler of Burma, Vut KiRiprip, the so-called “Cardinal King” sent them on a special mission to Jakarta, where he was trying to find the kidnapped prince of Singapore. Samuelly went on alone, as Pari had become an invertebrate (you know, confined to a wheelchair). Although he scoured the area, Samuelly never found the prince, who, it was assumed, died of polio. Disenchanted, he eventually moved back to Nebraska, where he took a job as the manager of one of the first McDonalds franchises in the Great Plains. There, he met a Sumatran woman, and they relocated.

But back to your client and your situation. It is a sorry, sorry situation and heart-breaking (no pun intended). Were you close with him or her? That must be tough on you, as well. My condolences. I know it has been six whole years since the tragic disaster in Indonesia, but the pain never fully subsides, you know?

If I am the lone survivor, and the money you speak of would rightfully be mine, please let me know how we should proceed in this matter. Although the whole idea of the inheritance is new to me, I think it might be appropriate to take some portion of the money and put it toward a memorial to my distant relative and all the other victims of the tsunami, those who died, those who didn’t die but died later, those who still might die, and those of us who are the living ones who have memory of things and so forth and such. I’d appreciate your thoughts on that, too.

I look forward to your sincere and most speedy reply,

Paul

*****

Dear Paul J. Heney,

Your quick response to my mail is quite appreciated.

I need your full cooperation to enable me present and file in your name as the due beneficiary and next of kin to my late client whom you share same last name as and who died as the result of a heart-related condition. His heart condition was due to the death of all the members of his family as earlier explained, who until his death was an oil contractor and lived all his life here in Malaysia, but unfortunately died intestate i.e without a will.

This funds in question are deposited in a local bank here in Malaysia, and if they are not claimed within a time as permitted by the government, the government will confiscate it.

Presently, I am in possession of all relatng documents, and considering the present state of affairs, I will make them available to you only when you agree to work with me as partners

I want this done so that I can use a good part of my share for helping the poor and the needy and for charity works. You shall receive 45% for your assistance.

However, I must assure you that this transaction is safe and all modalities is in place to ensure that this is done in a legitimate way without a single breach of law. Based on your maximum cooperation, we will finalise this transaction within 14 working days.

I shall require from you , your FULL NAME and CONTACT ADDRESS with TELEPHONE NUMBERS to start the process of claim in this regard.

Again I guarantee that all is under control and you have nothing to worry about, Just grant to me your full cooperation and keep this transaction close at heart..

Sincerely yours.
Barr. Lee Yang-Boo
TEL: +60 17 6433907

*****

Dear kind Barr. Lee Yang-Boo –

I certainly appreciate your very fast response to me email. I think your plan to split the money is a wise and reasonable one, and it makes me happy that you also want to help the poor and needy.

It really is a sad thing that this poor fellow died because of problems with his heart and his intestines and on top of that he had no will. That actually makes me think that I should work on my own will. Though it would probably make more sense to do that after this inheritance is processed. Barr. Lee, you should think about doing the same thing, if you have not done so already. I give you this advice as a friend.

But before we proceed, I have a few simple questions, please excuse my nervousness in this regard. I have never had an inheritance before.

1. Will any of my three ex-wives have a claim to this money?
2. Does Malaysia have any sort of VAT or tax that would be applied to my share?
3. Will I receive my share in U.S. dollars or some other sort of currency like grunks or flippos (or whatever they’re called there)?

Please let me know your thoughts on these issues. Thank you for your patience with me, and I look forward to working with you.

Sincerely in your friendship and peace,

-Paul

*****

Dear Paul J. Heney,

Your quick response to my mail is quite appreciated.

In response to your mail. I want to state that this inheritance will be approved in your name and transferred for you only. Nobody else has the right to lay claim to this fund once we have gotten the legal covering documents from the court.The inheritance right is not transferable to another person.

The process of this transaction will be followed strictly under the Malaysia laws and with the laid down plans, i do not forsee any sort of taxes beyond our capability but once transferred, you will not be charged to pay anything in your country in form of tax or VAT.

Furthermore, the fund will be transferred to you in US dollars which is the original currency of this fund.
.
All I need is your FULL NAME and CONTACT ADDRESS with TELEPHONE NUMBERS to start the process of claim in this regard.

Sincerely yours.
Barr. Lee Yang-Boo
TEL: +60 17 6433907

*****

Dear Barista Lee –

Thank you for your very fast and thoughtful responses. I’ve always considered the Malays an efficient people, and you have confirmed this stereotype.

Here is my information, I hope this is sufficient.

Paul Heney-Bakugan
2331 Tadpole-Westfield Lane
North Olmsted, Ohio 44070
I am 55 years old.
I am male.
I am a stereolithographer, with a specialty in physical therapy.
My annual income is $44,500.
I don’t have a way to copy my ID, but my Ohio drivers license number is T695KY22

I would prefer that the money be transferred in larger bills (e.g., not 5s or 10s).

Please let me know the next steps.

Warmly,

-Paul

*****

Dear Paul J. Heney,

Thanks for your mail and details.

Firstly, I will proceed to the bank to formally apply for release of claim in your name and furthermore, I shall also check for a competent financial expert who will handle the documentary part of this claim on your behalf.

It is important you follow my instructions as that is the key towards the success of this transaction.

I will further instruct you on what to do assoon as I gather all information needed to proceed. Please confirm your direct telephone number for easy reach.

Sincerely yours.
Barr. Lee Yang-Boo
TEL: +60 17 6433907

*****

Dear Paul J. Heney,

I have gone to the bank and file in your details as the next of kin.

As a guiding step,the services of a reputable attorney with international experience on financial and monetary matters to process your legal documents for the claim as would be appropriately applied for, would be very much required. You are required as a matter of necessity to fill and forward this Representation Permission to Barrister Nelson George (S.A.M) via email to enable him commence the necessary action on your file.

Meanwhile, I have officially filed your name in the bank to backup the claim and consequently, you are required to contact accordingly, the professional attorney on financial matters who is awaiting to hear from you, having been briefed of the whole transaction
You are required to fill the Representation Permission below, and forward it to his email for quick action

His details are:

NAME: NELSON GEORGE (S.A.M)
OFFICE: NELSON LAW OFFICE
Email: lawofficenelson@yahoo.com.my
Direct Tel: 60 17 2534104 (24 hrs)

Representation Permission

I ……………………………… of ……………………………………… do authorize you to act on my behalf in Securing my covering papers from the court and take up all necessary processes needed to conclude the release of my inheritance bequeathed to me by my relation Late Mr. Andrew Heney of value US$19,000,000 .00.
Yours sincerely
Name:……………..
Address:………….
Tel: ……….

*****

Dear Barista –

I am just devastated in finding out that it was my nephew, Andrew, who had died. He was such a bright young man, with such a future ahead of him. I had just talked to him recently, and thought he was living in Indiana. But discovering that he had moved to Indonesia and has been dead for six years has made me question nearly everything about my sanity.

Nonetheless, I will contact Nelson “Sam” George (wow, three first names!) and try to get this figured out.

Sincerely,

-Paul

*****

Dear Sam –

I am writing on behalf of my barista, Lee Yang-Boo. He has suggested that I contact your office, as my late nephew, Andrew Heney, has bought the farm, as they say. Apparently there is $19,000,000 left in his estate and I would like to claim it.

Please find my Representation Permission below.

Also, does your office handle medical malpractice suits, as well? I have had an ongoing issue with my dentist, who I believe caused me several melanomas, not to mention heartache.

Thank you,

-Paul

Representation Permission

I …being…………………………… of ….sound mind………………………………….. do authorize you to act on my behalf in Securing my covering papers from the court and take up all necessary processes needed to conclude the release of my inheritance bequeathed to me by my relation Late Mr. Andrew Heney of value US$19,000,000 .00.
Yours sincerely
Name:…Paul Heney-Porterhouse…………..
Address:..2331 Tadpole-Westfield Lane, North Olmsted, Ohio USA……….
Tel: …55 years old…….

*****

NELSON LAW OFFICE
6, Jalan Petrie
84000 Muar,
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

ATTENTION: PAUL HENEY

Your application was well received. Hence, I will be proceeding to the high court by tomorrow morning to file the application for the inheritance claim and to accord to you the locus standi as the bonafide next of kin and true beneficiary to this fundat the probate department.

As soon as I have receive the endorsed requirements, I shall forward them for immediate action by you. Do immediately send to me a copy of your identification for the proceeding either by scan as email attachment or fax.

I will do my best and ensure all goes well for you and the result is attained.

I expect your immediate response.

Yours Sincerely,
Barrister George Nelson (S.A.M)
(LAWYER IN-CHARGE)

*****

Sam –

I’m not sure if it’s some kind of pagan holiday there in Malaysia, but Lee Yang and I are really trying to get this money issue settled. I’d appreciate your speedy (if you even do that over there) response.

Sincerely,

-Paul

*****

NELSON LAW OFFICE
6, Jalan Petrie
84000 Muar,
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

ATTENTION: PAUL HENEY

I have filed on your behalf the application for the release of the funds to you, and as soon as the necessary requirements as will be duly endorsed and registered by the court are out, all will be sent across to you, for prompt action.

At the moment, there has been no information from the court yet. We are still waiting to hear from the court. It is when i get further information that i shall tell you what next to do.

Hopefully, we will get the verification details and the final requirements from the court within the next few days.

Yours Sincerely,
Barrister George Nelson (S.A.M)
(LAWYER IN-CHARGE)

*****

[Never heard from them again]

 

Share

My torrid affair with Mercy Johnson, the 1.68 cm girl

Mercy Happy Johnson nigerian scam fun scammers email photo girlmy greetings to you from Mercy and how are you i hope you are doing fine.
for good relationship,bellow is my email address(mercy_johnson92@yahoo.com)
reply to my email address so i can give
you my picture

*****

Hello Mercy –

There is something so intriguing about you. I would love to see your picture and hear more about you!

What is your favorite NFL team?
Do you like mixed drinks, wine, beer, or something else?
What kind of clothes do you wear?
Where do you live?
Are you married?

-Paul

*****

Hello my dear,

How are you doing? I am very happy to received your mail so that we can be good friend, Well let me introduce myself to you so that you can know me better to enable us develop a good relationship in future, I am Miss Mercy Johnson, dark in complexion, 1.68 cm single girl of 24 years old from Liberia and i reside here in Dakar Senegal as the result of what happen to my parents.

I am the only daughter of Late Dr. Johnson William who was the deputy minister of national security under the leadership of president Charles Taylor that is now in exile for killing many innocent soul which include my father and my mother, my late father was killed by government of Charles Taylor, he accused my father for coup attempt and killed him and my mother, is only me that is alive and i managed to make my way to this country where i am living, I am here like someone staying in the prison, because i don’t know any body before coming to this country, so life is not easy with me here now, no job to do and get money no good food, no good water to drink, but i thank God for keeping me alive and i believed that as i know you my life will not remain the same again, because you will do every thing possible and take me out of this country to come and live a better life with you so that i will stop suffering as i don’t have any relatives that can help me out of this terrible condition i am passing through, all my relatives ran away some were killed in the middle of the war the only person that is helping me in this country now is the Rev. Father, he has been very good to me since i came in this country, but i am not living with him rather i am living in the women refugee camp, so if you want to speak to me on phone you can reach me with the Rev. number +221773608077 as i don’t have telephone of my own, when you call, tell him that you want to speak with me so that he will send for me in the woman hostel to come and speak with you on phone, while hoping to receive your picture in your next email so that i can know you in person and send you my picture in my return mail.

Your lovely sincerely
Mercy.

*****

Hello Mercy –

Thank you so much for your reply email. I feel a connection between us already! I have never been with a 1.68 cm girl, but the prospect is intriguing. Would that make you a partial hermaphrodite? I’m okay with that, no worries. I’m about 21 cm myself, you’ll be very impressed.

I am sorry to hear about your parents. I can totally relate to your situation, except that my parents were not involved in politics or a coup attempt, and they are still alive—and I haven’t really been in prison or a war.

Sure, I’m interested in seeing your picture. I’ll work on getting one of myself for you. Is there any pose you prefer? Also, would you please answer my few simple questions? Before we take this relationship further, I just want to make sure we’re fully compatible!!

What is your favorite NFL team?
Do you like mixed drinks, wine, beer, or something else?
What kind of clothes do you wear?
Where do you live? (Oh, wait, you did mention that, Dakar Senegal!)
Are you married?

Love,

-Paul

*****

Dearest lovely Paul,

Good day, how are you doing? Thanks for being upset concerning my bad situation, please my dear i want you to help me transfer my late father money in to your account so that i will get out of this place to come and be with you for the rest of my life and continue with my education and also live a good life with you so that i will stop suffering, Well we don’t know each other well, but is the will of God that make me contact you and my spirit accept you that is why i am telling you all this so make sure that you keep this transaction confidentially, because since it is (Money) all eyes will be on it, I want you to know that i met the bank manager and explained my situations to see whether i can withdraw some money from the account of my late father to use and sustain myself as life is getting more though for me here in the camp, but the bank manager only advice me to look for a reliable foreign partner who will stand on my behalf due to my refugee status here as the law of this country i can not have access for any transaction concerning money, for that i want you to contact the bank on my behalf so that you will help me transfer the 6.5million dollars deposited by my late father in to your account which i am the next of kin for the money.

Please my dear if you are capable and honest to handle such huge amount of money for me as i have confidence and trust in you to help me transfer the money into your account, kindly send me your personal information such as,

(1) Your full address in your country
(2) Your Name’s
(3) Your telephone number
(4) A copy of your ID card or photograph.

As soon as i receive those information from you, i will forward the contact of the bank to you in other to contact them to transfer the money in your account, you can reach me on the Rev.Pastor phone number +221773608077 as i don’t have telephone of my own, here is one of my picture for you, hope you will love it? Answer to your question, i don’t drink alcohol, i only drank non alcohol if i can have, because life is not easy here with me, I do wear sketch and blouse and i have not married before, while hoping to hear from you as soon as you receive this mail.

Your lovely sincerely
Mercy.

*****

Mercy, Mercy!

I am so happy to hear from you, my love. Every day, I grow more desperate waiting for you to be with me. And I must say, few things get me more excited that the image of a beautiful woman wearing a sketch and blouse!

Here is my information:

Paul Henry-Filippo III
2331 Tadpole-Westfield Lane
North Olmsted, Ohio 44070
I am 57 years old.
I am a male for the most part!
I work in the produce washing department of my local Sam’s Club.
My annual income is $31,000.
I don’t have a way to copy my ID, but my Ohio drivers license number is W345965ED2.

Don’t worry about the alcohol thing, our life together will be full of many amazing things. I cannot wait to show you the wonders of America. From the mountains of Tallahassee to the shoreline of Minot, from the simple farmlands of Trenton to the canals of Reno, we will explore this land together, my sweet!

I have also arranged season tickets for both of us to this season’s Browns games! I knew you would be excited. Please check out the seating map here:

http://browns-tickets.net/images/Browns-seating.gif

I was able to get row K in section 313. Would that be okay with you? Hope so, it’s very convenient to this great little bratwurst stand in the main concourse. You do eat meat, don’t you? Because that would be a bit of a deal-breaker if you had sworn off swine or something.

Anyway, I do need your middle name for the seating license for the games; I tentatively told them it was “Penelope,” but I can change it as soon as you let me know your actual middle name.

Please let me know ASAP!!

Love you, sugarlumps!!

-Paul

P.S. You forgot to attach your picture, you silly goose!

*****

Dearest lovely Paul,

I appreciate every thing you are planing to do for me and i also thank you very much for giving me your information, for the trust and confidence i have in you for given me your personal information i will give you the contact of the bank so that you will contact them to enable you know the requirements and procedures for transferring the money in to your account.

Below is the contact of the bank:
United Bank For Africa
Address: No 489, Georges Quaters Dakar Senegal
Telephone: + 221 773 130963
Fax: + 221 338 269 826
Email: unitedbank@post.com
Transfer Officer: Mr. Mustafa Camara

My late father account information’s:
Name of the Account Holder: Dr. Johnson William
Amount Deposited: $6.5 Millions Dollars
Sort Code: 40-48-78
Account No: 51600101
Swift Code: NDEAGB2L
IBAN No: GB91NDEA40487851600101

Contact the bank immediately you receive this mail so that they will transfer the money in to your account without wasting time, because i have inform the bank manager about you and my happiness now is that God almighty have brought you to help me out of this terrible situation i am passing through here for many years, my dear i promise to be kind and honest to you so that you will help me invest the money for me in your country after transferring it to your account, you can reach me on the Rev. phone number +221773608077 as i don’t have telephone of my own, i am sorry for forgotten to attach my beautiful picture to you, here is one of my picture for you honey, while hoping to receive your picture in your next mail if you don’t mind, please get me inform as soon as you contact the bank my second name is Happy so you can change the ticket to my full names, Mercy Happy Johnson.

Your lovely sincerely
Mercy.

*****

Oh, Mercy!

You are so beautiful. How have I gotten so lucky? :-)

I will contact the bank later today, but first I have gotten some very good advice from my brother. I think we should follow it.

He said that in many of these cases, the bank or an overriding government authority (sometimes even here on the U.S. side) will ask a series of 10 questions to each of the parties individually. This is to make sure that the people really do know something about each other and are not trying to just pose as a married or engaged couple. He sent me a list of the 10 most common questions they ask. So, I’ll go ahead and list them and I’ll answer my answers (so you’ll know them) and you can just send me your answers (so I’ll know them).

As soon as I hear back from you, I’ll send an email to the bank so we can get going. Yea!

Love and hugs,

-Paul

1. What first attracted you to your partner?
Paul’s answer: Her beautiful eyes and hips.
Mercy’s answer:

2. What does your partner eat for breakfast?
Paul’s answer: Cereal with nutella.
Mercy’s answer:

3. Who does your partner most look up to?
Paul’s answer: Omar Sharif.
Mercy’s answer:

4. What is your partner’s favorite vacation destination?
Paul’s answer: Hawaii.
Mercy’s answer:

5. What is your partner’s favorite TV show?
Paul’s answer: Cop Rock.
Mercy’s answer:

6. What is your partner’s favorite movie?
Paul’s answer: I think we both should put “Honey, I shrunk the kids” for obvious reasons.
Mercy’s answer:

7. Does your partner have any distinguishing birthmarks?
Paul’s answer: I have two large brown moles next to my left nipple.
Mercy’s answer:

8. What one thing could your partner not live without?
Paul’s answer: Captain Morgan’s spiced rum.
Mercy’s answer:

9. What is your partner’s political affiliation?
Paul’s answer: Socially conservative/fiscally liberal.
Mercy’s answer:

10. What is your partner’s favorite color?
Paul’s answer: Dusty rose.
Mercy’s answer:

*****

[No reply]

*****

Hello Mercy –

I’m ready to contact the bank, but I’m a bit nervous about us getting in trouble if they catch on to the fact that we’re not quite officially engaged yet. Have you have a chance to answer any of the questions I sent (below)? Let me know honey!!

Love ya!!

-Paul

*****

Dearest lovely Paul,

Happy weekend, please i don’t know how to answer those questions, so just bear it with me until you help me to contact bank so that they will transfer the money into your account to enable me get out of here and come to be with you one on one so that will help me to answer those questions together, don’t be nervous or scale to contact the bank because we have not yet official engaged, no body will catch us just keep the transaction secretly and confidential so that after transferring the money into your account i will come and be with you for the rest of my life so that we will get marry officially, but if you have money to come here or send to me to come and meet you there in USA so that we will first engage officially before contacting the bank to transfer the money into your account, will be good but if don’t have money to send or come here to meet me to first engage don’t worry just contact the bank to enable you know the requirements and procedures for transferring the money into your account successfully without wasting time okay.

While hoping to hear from you as soon as you contact the bank.
Your lovely sincerely
Mercy.

*****

Hello my sweet Mercy –

Okay, I guess you’re right. I’ll just trust you here. I will contact the bank today. In the meantime, I helped you out and answered the questions for both of us. If we both memorize our answers, I think we’ll be alright.

I’ll let you know what happens once I hear from the bank.

Love, your sweetie bear,

-Paul

1. What first attracted you to your partner?
Paul’s answer: Her beautiful eyes and hips.
Mercy’s answer: His large shoulders and legs.

2. What does your partner eat for breakfast?
Paul’s answer: Cereal with nutella.
Mercy’s answer: Grits with butter.

3. Who does your partner most look up to?
Paul’s answer: Omar Sharif.
Mercy’s answer: Ralph Macchio

4. What is your partner’s favorite vacation destination?
Paul’s answer: Hawaii.
Mercy’s answer: Texas.

5. What is your partner’s favorite TV show?
Paul’s answer: Cop Rock.
Mercy’s answer: Dancing with the Stars

6. What is your partner’s favorite movie?
Paul’s answer: I think we both should put “Honey, I shrunk the kids” for obvious reasons.
Mercy’s answer: (Honey, I shrunk the kids)

7. Does your partner have any distinguishing birthmarks?
Paul’s answer: I have two large brown moles next to my left nipple.
Mercy’s answer: I’ll just say no … is that right??????

8. What one thing could your partner not live without?
Paul’s answer: Captain Morgan’s spiced rum.
Mercy’s answer: VCRs.

9. What is your partner’s political affiliation?
Paul’s answer: Socially conservative/fiscally liberal.
Mercy’s answer: Middle of the road.

10. What is your partner’s favorite color?
Paul’s answer: Dusty rose.
Mercy’s answer: Beige.

*****

Hello Mr. Camara –

I am writing on behalf of my fiancee, Mercy Johnson, and myself. In advancement of Mercy’s moving here, we wish to withdraw the money from her late father’s account. It is:

Name of the Account Holder: Dr. Johnson William
Amount Deposited: $6.5 Millions Dollars
Sort Code: 40-48-78
Account No: 51600101
Swift Code: NDEAGB2L
IBAN No: GB91NDEA40487851600101

Mercy and I have just returned from a cruise to Honduras, and we are making plans to move her to Ohio, where we will get married in a big, elaborate, official church ceremony. We are very compatible in many ways, if you get my drift, and intend to remain married for the rest of our lives.

Can you please assist me in this transaction? My financial institution is the Seventh Day Adventists’ Credit Union of Lorain, and my account number there is 32900201. You can ask for Bethany, she’s my favorite teller there, even though she’s a Baptist. She will be able to help you in anything you need.

I appreciate your help in this matter so Mercy and I can live happily ever after. Not that we wouldn’t without this money, but every little bit helps!

Sincerely,

-Paul

*****

UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA
NO 489 GEORGES QUATERS, DAKAR SENEGAL
TEL: +221 773 130 963
FAX: + 221 338 269 826
EMAIL: unitedbank@post.com

Attention: Mr. Paul,

I have been directed by the Director of Foreign Operation/Wire Transfer to write you in respect to the mail we received from you, actually we have been told about you by the young lady Miss. Mercy Johnson (for the claim of her late father deposit with our bank.

Late Dr. Johnson William is our customer with the sum of substantial amount of $6,500,000.00 USD he deposited with us, hence you have been appointed as a trustee to represent the next of Kin Miss. Mercy Johnson, however before our bank will transact any business concerning the transfering of the said fund into your bank, we will like you to send the followings to our bank immediately.

1: A power of Attorney, permiting you to claim and transfer the fund to your bank account on her behalf, This Power of Attorney must be endorsed by a Senegalese resident lawyer.
2 :The death certificate of late Dr. Johnson William: Her deceased father,confirming his death.
3 : A copy of statement of account issued to Dr. Johnson William by our bank.
4 : An Affidavit of support from the Senegalese high court with her signature in it, once you send all this needed documents we will commerce for the transfer.

Note: The above mentioned are compulsory and are needed to protect our interest, your interest and the next of kin interest after the transfer has been made and these shall also ensure that a smooth, quick and successful transfer of the fund will be transfer into your account.

We promise to give our customers the best of our services, should you have any question don’t hesitate to contact our foreign operational for clearification.

Email: unitedbank@post.com
Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Felicite Diatta (Account Dept).

*****

Dearest lovely Paul,

Good morning how are you doing over there? I am very happy to hear that you will contact bank so that you will know the requirements and procedures for transferring the money into your account to enable you help me so that i will get out from here to come and be with you for the rest of my life so that we will answer those questions together, honey do let me know as soon as you hear from the bank, because i have inform them about you to transfer the money into your account, so please make sure that you will handle every thing concerning this transaction on my behalf so that the bank will transfer the money into your account immediately without wasting time okay.

While hoping to hear from you as you as you hear from the bank.
Your lovely sincerely
Mercy forever.

*****

Good evening, puddin’!

I have good news. I heard from the bank, and things are progressing. Please note that they need the following; I let you handle this for us.

1: A power of Attorney, permiting you to claim and transfer the fund to your bank account on her behalf, This Power of Attorney must be endorsed by a Senegalese resident lawyer.
2 :The death certificate of late Dr. Johnson William: Her deceased father,confirming his death.
3 : A copy of statement of account issued to Dr. Johnson William by our bank.
4 : An Affidavit of support from the Senegalese high court with her signature in it, once you send all this needed documents we will commerce for the transfer.

But on to more important things. I’ve been doing some online shopping for you. I’m guessing you’re about a size 8? Please check out these links; I want to have some American-type clothes for when you move here. You know, sexy stuff.

http://www.chadwicks.com/chadwicks/browse/productDetail.jsp?icProduct=30325&icCategory=cat180030&icSort=
http://www.chadwicks.com/chadwicks/browse/productDetail.jsp?icProduct=85368&icCategory=cat40102&icSort=
http://www.kmart.com/shc/s/p_10151_10104_167B001065000000P?vName=Clothing&cName=Girls&sName=School%20Uniforms&sid=KDx20070926x00003a&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=167B001065000000P
http://www.amazon.com/Wrist-and-Ankle-Restraint-Bar/dp/B0037SNB08/ref=pd_sbs_a_6
http://www.buy.com/prod/kaelyn-max-women-s-plus-size-blouse/q/sellerid/32948791/loc/64935/220410951.htmlhttp://www.landsend.com/pp/LongSleeveMidcalfSleepTee~147350_-1.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::ELA&CM_MERCH=IDX_Women-_-Sleepwear&origin=index

Please let me know if you like these and I’ll order them. And verify your clothing size, etc., and if there are certain colors of the above that you prefer. Also, if there are any toiletries/foods you want me to have on hand here at the house, such as mouthwash, cotton balls, laxatives, graham crackers, Benefiber, apple juice, gherkins, or whatever would make you feel most comfortable, then I’ll buy it ahead of time.

I am just counting down the days until you are here! Working on airline tickets as we speak!

All my love,

-Paul

P.S. What’s the weather like there now? Just curious. We had a lot of sunshine here today, you will love it.

*****

Dearest lovely Paul,

I am very happy to see that you contacted the bank and the bank replied to you asking some documents before transferring the money in to your account, I just want to inform you that immediately i see your mail i went out and look for a nice Senegalese residence lawyer that will help us process the documents in your name’s as the bank demanded for it before transferring the money into your account, contact the lawyer with this information: Barrister Torbua Vickmoon, Tele Phone number +221766967939, Email ( barristertorbua@gmail.com ) or ( barr.torbua@consultant.com ) so that you will know the cost of the Power of Attorney and An Affidavit of support for processing it in your name, mean while i have given the Death Certificate of my late father and the Statement of Account to the lawyer to start the process of the documents to avoid any delay because i don’t want us to delay in making every thing possible in time so that the bank will transfer the money in to your account, because i am very anxious to come and be with you for the rest of my life.

Concerning the online shopping i will advice you to wait so that as soon as i come to be with you we will do the shopping together for our best choice, because two head is better than one, honey only what i need now is to have your picture and telephone on my own so that i can be calling you to hear your sweet voice, so please send me $100 to my name Mercy Johnson, address Dakar Senegal so that i will buy telephone and also buy some provision to take care of myself here in the camp.

Honey if you contact the lawyer, make sure that you cooperate with him so that he will process the documents in your name’s to enable you send to the bank to transfer the money in to your account so that you will you take some money from it and send to me here to process my traveling documents and come to be with you for the rest of my life.

While hoping to hear from you as soon as you contact the lawyer.
Yours lovely sincerely
Mercy.

*****

Mercy –

I have to say that my feelings are more than a little bit hurt at your rejection of the clothes I picked out for you. Why does it always have to be about your wants and never mine? I feel like I’ve listened to your problems, been a good friend and companion, and supported you in your times of difficulty, like when you had no water. But when I go out of my way to do something nice for you—and spend so much of my time and creativity on choosing things—I sort of feel like it’s not good enough for you. I mean maybe we’ve reached a turning point, at least in my mind.

What do you really want from life? What do you want from our relationship? I feel like I’m standing on a rope bridge over a chasm and there are snakes or sharks at the bottom of a pit down there, and every time I try to take a step forward toward you, it starts raining and my footing gets less secure and you’re not over there steadying the side of the bridge that’s at your end. And then when I make it to the end, you’re gone and all there is, is a set of footprints. And at first I think you were walking alone, but then I realize that it was me carrying you all along until Jesus started carrying both of us because we couldn’t support each other in the way that we best know how. Does that make any sense at all? Do you ever have feelings like this?

I’m just so confused about where we’re going and how we can make it work. I do love you deeply, with all the love in my soul and all the love in my brain and my heart too. Help me see past this, Mercy.

-Paul

*****

Dearest lovely Paul,

Good morning how was you night? Please don’t feel a bit hurt in your feelings i have not rejected the clothes you picked for me, i only suggested you should wait so that as soon as i come to be with you we will do the shopping together and make our best choice, you can go ahead and select those clothes as much as you can because your choice is my choice and what you like i will also like it so start making the online shopping before my arrival, my size is size 8 as you guess okay.

Concerning the documents, have you contact the lawyer that i found for you to help us get the documents in your name as the bank demanded before transferring the money into your account? please honey don’t waste time to contact the lawyer as i directed you so that you will know the cost of the documents for processing it in your name okay.

Never but not the least, i need your picture and your telephone number so that i can be calling you to hear your sweet voice and please send me the $100 that i demanded from you so that i can buy telephone and some provision to be eating in the camp because my provision has finished and i don’t have money to buy them.

Please and please my dear don’t feel hurt in any of your feelings is just a little time we will be together and share every thing in common so don’t delay to make every thing possible in time so that the bank will transfer the money into your account to enable you withdraw some money and send to me here to process my traveling documents and get out of here to come and be with you for the rest of my life and be your wife and make babies for you.

Honey do you Know a friend does most of all these to his loved one?
A) accepts you as you are
(B) believes in “you”
(C) calls you just to say “HI”
(D) doesn’t give up on you

(E) envisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F) forgives your mistakes
(G) gives unconditionally
(H) helps you
(I) invites you over
(J) just “be” with you
(K) keeps you close at heart
(L) loves you for whom you are
(M) makes a difference in your life
(N) never Judges
(O) offer support
(P) picks you up
(Q) quiets your fears
(R) raises your spirits
(S) says nice things about you
(T) tells you the truth when you need to hear it
(U) understands you
(V) values you
(W) walks beside you
(X) x-plains thing you don’t understand
(Y) yells when you won’t listen and
(Z) zaps you back to reality
These is what i have to share today with you as my future husband 

While hoping to hear good news from you as soon as you receive this mail.
Your lovely sincerely
Mercy for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

 

 

******

Hello my sweet Mercy –

Thank you for your sweet letter. I forgive you. I guess I was just in one of my moods last night. I feel so much better about us after reading and reflecting on your heartfelt A-Z list of what being a friend is.

I am still a little bit shy, but here’s a tiny photo of part of me! ;-) I’d love to see another photo of you, too!

This morning, I stopped at Giant Eagle, our grocery store, and bought a few prepaid gift cards—one for Applebee’s, one for iTunes and one for TJ Maxx—to help get you through the next few weeks until you can come to America. This way, I can get the FuelPerks! points, which saves me some major bucks on gas. Are gas prices going crazy there, too? And speaking of that, what kind of car do you drive? I never thought to ask you that, kind of rude of me!!

I’ll send the gift cards to the Reverend Fr. and he can give them to you. In fact, you should take your girlfriends out to Applebee’s on me, and get a bunch of appetizers, have sort of a going-away party. (Their Cajun-inspired entrees on the 2-for-$20 menu are superb, not sure if you have that special going on in Senegal now.)

Oh, my phone is 1-440-209-7500, but I use it as both phone and fax; I’ll try to remember to turn off the fax later on in case you want to talk.

Let me know the Rev.’s address and I’ll get them in the mail today.

Love ya!!

Your Paulykins

*****

Dearest lovely Paul,

Good evening how are you doing over there in USA? I am very happy for given me your phone number, but i am not happy with your picture, why should you sent me a half face of your image? honey do you have half face? Well i appreciate all you want to send to me here, but remember that i don’t have telephone of my own so how can i be calling you on your number as i don’t have telephone that is why i asked you to send me $100 here through western union so that i can buy telephone to enable me to be calling you, so if you really love me as i loved you please send the money as soon as you receive this mail to my name, Mercy Johnson, Address, Dakar Senegal so that i can receive the money and buy telephone immediately and give you my number, by the way have you contact the lawyer for the documents? i want to know if you have contact the lawyer or not because i am anxious to get out from here and come to be with you for the rest of my life.

I am sorry to stop here i am not in good mud to write you long mail because i don’t have food provision to use for for feeding since three days now and i don’t have money to buy them so please honey send me money to buy provision for my personal use tomorrow okay.
Your lovely sincerely
Mercy.

*****

Hello sweet Mercy – 

Okay, I went to the Western Union right down the street just now, as soon as I saw your email—I was crying at the thought of you not having feeding since three days. It made my heart break.

But Berta over at Western Union said that “Mercy Johnson, Address, Dakar Senegal” is not a valid address, even though I showed her your email on my smartphone. We actually got in a bit of an argument about it. She really reminded me A LOT about a Berta I used to work with. That woman was a piece of work, let me tell you. Did I ever tell you about the time that she yelled at me about putting the toner cartridge in the copier incorrectly? It was so uncool.

Anyway, Western Union was closing at 8:00, so I was unable to get you anything before they closed. :-(

And, more importantly—somehow, I missed seeing that you wanted to make babies when you move here to marry me. That is fantastic news, I was actually kind of afraid to bring that subject up with you, as I didn’t know how you felt about it.

I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!

Mercy, how many children do you want? I’m open, but would love a big family. And what are some girl and boy names that you like? You have such a beautiful, unique name, and I’d like to do that for our kids, too.

Love & kisses,

-Paul

*****

Dearest lovely Paul,

Honey who told you that my name and address i gave you in not correct? I don’t believed that because sending money through western union from USA to Senegal to my name no body will complain to send money here in Dakar Senegal, well i was not there with you at the western union when you went the to send the money, but you have to go to another western union to send the money immediately because i am dying hungry here now i did not sleep tonight thinking about my life, how can a beautiful girl like me will not have common food to eat because i don’t want to mess myself up with men, i don’t have strength to write you long mail again, so find every mean and send me some money here if you really love me, about making babies with you, we can make as much as we can train them well in good schools but remember that is only God do give children so depend the grace that God will give us to make babies okay.

If my name is giving you problem to send the money, use the name of the Rev. Secretary DIALLO MAMADOU, Address Dakar Senegal and send the money through western union or money gram immediately so that he will go and cash the money and give me to buy food provision in other not your future wife die for hunger and please make sure that you send me a copy of your complete picture try make me to be happy if you really loved me, i know how to make you smile and happy every day but there is no strength in me now but i promised to give you the best of my love if i confirm real love and seriousness in you, while hoping to hear good news from you.

Your lovely sincerely
Mercy!!!!

*****

Bad photoshop job nigerian scams emailGood morning my merciful Mercy!

I told you it was that annoying Berta woman at Western Union. What a turd, I warned you!

Hey, I was wondering how things are going with the bank. Remember, you were going to get them the power of attorney, death certificate, the thing from the high court, and all that. Did you get a chance to get that taken care of? Those millions of dollars from your father will help us so much! If you’re still struggling with some of the documents, I’d ask the Rev. Father to help you, my sweet. I mean, what does he really do all day? Say a mass or two? He’s got to have a load of free time on his hands.

I was looking on a baby name site this morning, and found a few intriguing ones that have the unique qualities we spoke about:

BOYS
Johnson-Heney-Filippo
Grand Richard Johnson-Heney-Filippo
Illicit Frank Johnson-Heney-Filippo
Obama Reagan Johnson-Heney-Filippo

GIRLS
Heaven Precious Johnson-Heney-Filippo
Sweetness Barbara Johnson-Heney-Filippo
Philistine Temperament Johnson-Heney-Filippo
Cilantro Pesto Johnson-Heney-Filippo

Oh, and I was playing around with my brother’s Photoshop program, and look at what our kids might look like! So cool!

Well, let me know what names you like best!!

Love,

-Paul

*****

[No response]

Share

My ruined vacation to visit Wasey in Lagos

Nigerian email scammers George Ossang Wase prepaid card photo idCENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA
TINUBU SQUARE,VICTORIA
ISLAND,LAGOS-NIGERIA
SUB:TRANSFER FUND

From the Desk OF:
DR.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
International Settlement Dept.
Central Bank of Nigeria/Skye Bank Plc
Immediate ATM Cash Card Payment Notification
EMAIL:guleosbond@aol.com

FUND BENEFICIARY ATM CARD CENTER CODE 111,

THIS IS TO OFFICIALLY INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE VERIFIED YOUR CONTRACT/INHERITANCE FILE AND FOUND OUT THAT WHY YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED YOUR PAYMENT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT FULFILLED THE OBLIGATIONS GIVEN TO YOU IN RESPECT OF YOUR CONTRACT / INHERITANCE PAYMENT.

SECONDLY WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU ARE STILL DEALING WITH THE NONE OFFICIALS IN THE BANK,ALL IN YOUR ATTEMPT TO SECURE THE RELEASE OF THE FUND TO YOU. WE WISH TO ADVISE YOU THAT SUCH AN ILLEGAL ACT LIKE THIS HAVE TO STOP IF YOU WISHES TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT SINCE WE HAVE DECIDED TO BRING A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM.RIGHT NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH OUR SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER ASIA PACIFIC,THAT IS THE LATEST INSTRUCTION FROM MR.PRESIDENT,GOODLUCK JONATHAN (GCFR) FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA. THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN ATM CARD WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ANY ATM MACHINE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD, BUT THE MAXIMUM IS FIVE THOUSAND, FIVE THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS PER D A Y. SO IF YOU LIKE TO RECEIVE YOUR FUND IN THIS WAY, PLEASE LET US KNOW BY CONTACTING THE ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT DIRECTOR AND ALSO

SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION AS LISTED BELOW.

1. FULL NAME
2. FULL ADDRESS (P.O BOX NOT ACCEPTABLE)
3. PHONE AND FAX NUMBER
4. YOUR AGE,
5. SEX AND CURRENT OCCUPATION
6. ATTACH COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION

HOWEVER, KINDLY FIND BELOW THE CONTACT PERSON THROUGH HIS OFFICIAL PRIVATE MAIL BOX:
DR.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
INTEGRATED PAYMENT DEPARTMENT
EMAIL: guleosbond@aol.com

THE ATM AND MASTER CARD PAYMENT CENTER HAS BEEN MANDATED TO ISSUE OUT $2,300,000.00 USD AS PART PAYMENT FOR THIS QUARTER. ALSO FOR YOUR INFORMATION, YOU HAVE TO STOP ANY FURTHER COMMUNICATION WITH ANY OTHER PERSON(S) OR OFFICE(s) TO AVOID ANY HITCHES IN RECEIVING YOUR PAYMENT. NOTE THAT BECAUSE OF IMPOSTORS, WE HERE BY ISSUE YOU OUR CODE OF CONDUCT, WHICH IS (ATM-111) SO YOU HAVE TO INDICATE THIS CODE WHEN CONTACTING THE CARD CENTER BY USING IT AS YOUR SUBJECT.

REGARDS,
DR OLUSEGUN AGANGA
MINISTER OF FINANCE TO THE PRESIDENT
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA.

NOTE:
IN CASE YOU NEED PROOF I CAN GIVE YOU NUMBERS TO CALL PEOPLE THAT HAVE RECEIVED THEIR CARDS THROUGH ME OVER THERE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

*****

Dear Dr. Osbond Wase George (may I call you Wase?) and Dr. Olusegun Aganga –

Thank you for contacting me in this manner. I must apologize, Wase, but I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about. I closed my account with the Central Bank of Nigeria several years ago, and moved my funds (or so I thought) to The Second National Bank of Harare—where dreams do come true, we swear™.

Unfortunately, I had been dating one of the tellers, Ms. Jan, and later became interested in one of the security guards, Ms. Obiewan. Wase, my brother, I don’t recommend doing this, especially with Nigerian women. Well, a fight eventually broke out and many, many giveaway toaster and waffle irons were damaged. Because of this uncomfortable situation, I thought it best to switch banks.

So, Wasey, I just want to verify that you have the right person. Please let me know at your earliest convenience.

-Paul

*****

From the Desk OF:
DR.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
International Settlement Dept.
Central Bank of Nigeria/Skye Bank Plc
Immediate ATM Cash Card Payment Notification
EMAIL: guleosbond01@aol.com

Dear Paul,

I have received your mail,The money we are paying is to the foreigners that had done one contract or another to this country during military regime in the past and were not paid due to one reason or another,my president has promised to pay all of them through my office.
ALSO the other people are those that have been scammed in the past by Nigerians,we are also trying to compensate them through this office.

We have three batches of payment every year,your payment is among the second batches that we pick up this year,but if by any means this fund was not dispatched to the owner we have no option than to return it to the purse of federal republic.so my brother you can see that this is 100% risk free.
We are poise to serve you better,you can call my office for more explanations.And please send your information to my office so that you can process your payment and you receive your money.

Your money is 4.3 million Usa dollars,it is the prize my president DR GOODLUCK E.JONATHAN (GCFR) FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA,is paying to foreigners as a way to eradicate the bad name tag to my country Nigeria,the payment is done through my office alone and it is instituted by Mr president himself.Your money will be paid to you through ATM card in two installments starting with the first payment of $2.3 million us dollars and when you confirm that the second payment of two million us dollars will also be paid to you.

This office will try and make sure you receive your money and believe that this is not a play, i will try in my capacity to see that you benefit from this but you have to help us by following our instructions to benefit from this programmee,please you have to stop any other transaction regarding this payment because it is only this office that has the power to pay you your inherited money,but the bad ones are trying to defraud people in the name of my office,so stop any other transaction regarding receiving compensation of any other name the might call it,and i promise you you must have something good to tell others about my country Nigeria if you can adhere to my instructions.I want to assure you that it is only my office that has been given this power to do this and there is no other means that you can receive your money except from me.
My Olusegun Aganga is a finance minister federal republic of Nigeria,and i am a government official DR.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
International Dept Settlement,Central Bank of Nigeria/Skye Bank Plc.

My office have the information of some other people that had benefited from this programmee.

May God bless you,

Dr.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
Director,ATM Payment Department.
Direct Line: +234-8086-094-897

*****

Hey guys –

I could really use the money you had mentioned, and I’m ready to get it. But I haven’t heard as to whether I’m the correct person? I hope I am. Please let me know, Wase!!

-Paul

*****

From the Desk OF:
DR.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
International Settlement Dept.
Central Bank of Nigeria/Skye Bank Plc
Immediate ATM Cash Card Payment Notification
EMAIL: guleosbond01@aol.com

Dear Paul,

Your card is due for collection,the only thing you have to do is send to my office the required information that i asked you in my previous mail and you will have your card as soon as possible,we are waiting for your quick response,you are the one delaying this transaction.

May God bless you,

Dr.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
Director,ATM Payment Department.
Direct Line: +234-8086-094-897

*****

Wasey –

Oh, I see. Maybe I misunderstood your email, I thought you weren’t sure if I was me. Here is my information, as you so kindly have requested.

Paul Heney-Crawdad Jr.
2331 Tadpole-Westfield Lane
North Olmsted, Ohio 44070
I am 50 years old and work as general manager at Ambience, The Store for Lovers™
My annual income is $77,000.
I don’t have a way to copy my ID, but my Ohio drivers license number is D5969HNB4.

Please let me know when I may see this cash money, it would be very helpful to me in my goals of living a life of luxury.

Thank you!!!

-Paul

*****

nigerian email scammers George Ossang Wase prepaid card crawdad photo idFrom the Desk OF:
DR.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
International Settlement Dept.
Central Bank of Nigeria/Skye Bank Plc
Immediate ATM Cash Card Payment Notification
EMAIL: guleosbond01@aol.com

Attn:Paul Heney-Crawdad Jr,

This is to notify you that your email has been received with your information as requested,please send as urgent your direct mobil number for easy communication.

However, with respect to the provisions in Section 17 of decree 114 of the 1999 constitution, I hereby inform you that your payment verification and confirmations is “OK”. Therefore, we are happy to inform you that arrangements has been perfectly concluded to effect your payment as soon as possible in our bid to be transparent inline with programme of the present administration of GOODLUCK JONATHAN EBERE, President and Commander in chief Of the Armed Forces of the Federal Republic of Nigeria in his crusade against corruption in Nigeria and total reform of the economy.

Moreso, it is the pleasure of this office to inform you that ATM Card Number; 5891 3190 0110 1317 has been approved and upgraded in your favour.The ATM Card Value is US$2.3 Million Only which is the first installment of your fund. Note that a maximum withdrawal value of US$10,000.00 is permitted daily. And we are duly inter-switched for you to make withdrawal in any location of the ATM Center of your choice nearest to you.

You are as matter of urgency requested to come down to our office to sign off and collect your ATM card.Alternatively,you can request for your card to be shipped to you through our officially approved private courier service.Note that if this option should be choosen by you,you will offset the shippment cost of this card to your destination.

Your coming down here in person will be preferable to us to facilitate our bid to be transparent and to accertain that your ATM card is signed off directly by you the beneficiary to avoid payment to a wrong person hence it is involed a large sum of money.Please inform us urgently of your choice option to fasten the release of this card to you as we have a short period to complete this payment quarter.

Be informed that your fund will be paid installmentally,till it is completed.this is the first instalment($2.3m) of your total fund.The next payment quarter will come with the next installment of ($2.0m).

I will attached herewith,copies of your ATM CARD and my working identity.

Treat as very urgent, as we also remind you once again that your ATM Card is ready.and all so send us your telephone and fax number.

NOTE/ DEAR FUND BENEFICIARY{ATM CARD} FOR MORE PROOF, THIS OFFICE HAS THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE THAT BENEFITED FROM THIS IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA OF THOSE THAT JUST GOT THEIR CARDS THROUGH ME,you can CALL FOR YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT A SCAM/FRAUD.

God bless you,

Dr.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
Director,ATM Payment Department.
Direct Line: +234-8086-094-897.

CC: ALL FOREIGN INHERITANCE FUNDS
CC: CENTRAL BANK GOVERNOR
CC: BOARD OF DIRECTORS [FPD]
CC: ACCOUNTANT GENERAL OF NIGERIA

PLEASE WEIGH THE OPTIONS AND CHOOSE ONE.

*****

Wase –

This is fantastic, thank you so much for your help in this matter. I am in the process of booking my flight to Lagos, as instructed; I have a hold on a reservation. Here are the details:

I leave Cleveland on Sunday the 15th, Delta flight 4097 to Atlanta, connecting to Delta 54 to Lagos. It arrives at 3:35 p.m. on Monday the 16th. Then I head back home on Saturday the 21st, also Delta flights, I leave Lagos at 10:20 p.m. and have to connect through both Amsterdam and then Detroit. It’s $1758 with taxes, but that’s a small price considering the transaction we’re talking about, right!

Now I have not been to Lagos before, and I haven’t had a vacation in several years, so I figured I’d combine business and pleasure. I’ve been reading the Fodors Nigeria book from the library, and have sketched out an itinerary. Please check it over and give me any suggestions you have. Hey, you’re the local, so I take your word on what the must-see things are!!

Monday: Arrive, transfer to hotel. Small lunch, stroll around Lagos business district, check out the Oba’s Palace and the Shrine of Fela.
Tuesday: I figured we could sign all the necessary paperwork in the morning, and then head to one of the nearby beaches in the early afternoon. I couldn’t find anything in the book or online as to whether there are any good snorkeling sites nearby, but if there are, that would be fantastic.
Wednesday: The Nigerian National Museum is in all the tourism guides, and I think it may be a highlight of the trip for me. Do you think I could do it in half a day, and then check out one of the shopping areas later? Or do I really need the whole day to do the museum justice?
Thursday: Today, I thought it would be interesting to take a ferry to one of the islands. Open to Ikoyi, Victoria or Iddo. Which do you think is the best one?
Friday: Free time for anything that I’ve missed. And I’d love to take you and Mrs. Wase out for dinner, to say thanks for all of your hospitality and driving me around. Not sure if you have any Longhorn Steaks or Outback Steakhouses there, but something along those lines would be nice.
Saturday: Maybe just rest by the pool and catch a short nap before my flight?

Also, will you be able to pick me up from the airport? Should I book a hotel room, or would it be okay if I bunk up with you? I’m cool either way!

Thank you & looking forward to seeing you next week!!!!!

-Paul

*****

rom the Desk OF:
DR.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
International Settlement Dept.
Central Bank of Nigeria/Skye Bank Plc
Immediate ATM Cash Card Payment Notification
EMAIL: guleosbond01@aol.com

Attn:Paul Heney-Crawdad Jr,

I am happy that you can make it,i want you to please sent your mobile phone number to me so that we can talk and you have to scan your passport photo graph as urgent to my office for easy identification.
As you have not been to Nigeria before i will advise that this office will book every thing for you to avoid any disappointment of any kind,as you have shown me your schedule,i will send my sectary to make enquires of the convinent hotel where you can be confortable when you arrive,and make arrengement of adequate security for you,he will find all this and get back to me and i will direct you on what next to do.

Please you have to bear this in mind that you will be the one to foot the bill of all this i have sent him to make enquires and i will get back to you and tell you what it will cost for you to be here for that five days,so that we can send the money for us to conclude all arrengement because the duty of this office is for you to come and collect your card,so do not book flight yet until you know what it will cost you in this transaction.I will get back to you in an hour time.

God bless you,

Dr.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
Director,ATM Payment Department.
Direct Line: +234-8086-094-897.

*****

From the Desk OF:
DR.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
International Settlement Dept.
Central Bank of Nigeria/Skye Bank Plc
Immediate ATM Cash Card Payment Notification
EMAIL: guleosbond01@aol.com

Dear Paul,

My secratary has made all the verification about your accormodations,security and all the transportations to all these places you mentioned,i have made all enquires on reservation in one of the best hotels in lagos with good security,the negeria airport hotel.So i advise you now to get back to me now so that i will direct you on how to send the money,so that we can get all the logistics ready befor your arrival,it is our duty ato make all these ready before your arrival,because we have to ensure that,you have a good security here on your arrival.

All these logistics put together will cost the total sum of $2,789,we get all these ready on arrival we will come to the mutala mohammed airport and pick you up.As soon as we conclude this arrangement,by tomorrow,you will be directed to buy your air ticket.So get back to me now so that i will direct you on how to send the fee so that we can get all these ready.

Please send to my office as urgent your direct mobile number or call me on my office line for more education and voice chat.

May God bless you,

Dr.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
Director,ATM Payment Department.
Direct Line: +234-8086-094-897

*****

What is the update?

*****

I’m so sorry I was unable to get back to you earlier; I had to make an appointment for tomorrow with my podiatrist for an ingrown toenail that has been bothering the hell out of me the past few days. Seems like I was on the phone with the appointment desk half the day.

Actually, I had to go ahead and book that Delta flight right after I emailed you last night; I was mistaken that they would hold it for 24 hours, apparently that’s only the policy with domestic flights. But the arrival/departure times are exactly as I had sent you.

So excited, only four more days!!!!!!! Can’t wait to meet you and your family, I feel like we have become good friends and trusted associates over the past week or so. :-)

I understand that it IS probably difficult to host me, especially if you have little ones at home (do you? I love kids!), but the Negeria Airport Hotel sounds lovely, thank you for the recommendation. By chance is it part of the Hilton family of hotels? Can’t ever get too many HHonors points, you know! If you could have your secretary request foam pillows and a city-view room, that would be grand. Any idea if there’s an exercise facility on premises?

My phone and fax are the same line, 1-440-209-7500. I’ll try to keep the fax off most of the day if I remember, in case you need to get in touch with me. But I’m always on email, too.

Of course, I’ll cover all the incidentals, no worries. You may take this email as official, legal permission to use the new Skye Bank prepaid card in my name, as I’ve maxed out my MasterCard with the airline ticket. (Don’t forget to give the hotel that little 3-digit Visa code on the back.)

And awaiting your thoughts on whether I can do the Nigerian National Museum in a half day. I’m a huge fan of Napoleon, so I really want to see that part of the exhibit. And whether Friday works for dinner at Outback with you and the Mrs.

Sincerely,

-Paul

*****

From the Desk OF:
DR.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
International Settlement Dept.
Central Bank of Nigeria/Skye Bank Plc
Immediate ATM Cash Card Payment Notification
EMAIL: guleosbond01@aol.com

Dear Paul,

My brother i have seen your mail,i want you to understand something,this is an official transaction and it is the duty of this office to see that your coming here is granted with safty and your confort and security is very important to us,we have to informed the Us embasey here in Nigeria about your coming for good security.

I want you to know note that,no one have access to your card unless when it gets to you,so it is very imposible to cash any money out of the card,besides it has to be activated and no one else can activate it except you,so i advise you to adhere to this instructions,it is my duty to direct and advise you the most convinient means of this transaction and i emplore you to follow my directives.Sequel to my mail yesterday,we have to get all the logistics ready before your arrival for security reasons,all the places you mentioned,our logistic officer has writtin officially to the directors about your coming,so you have to get this right.You are required to send the fee so that we can get all these ready,i am suposed to tell you the air ways that will be good for you,but since you have chosen one,there is no problem,we will do our best to ensure that every thing is well handled.So get back to me so that i will direct you on how to send the money for us to put all these arrangments in place on time before your arrival,to avoid lapses.

I tried calling you and can’t get you on phone.Please it is our duty to ensure your safety please follow our instruction for a smote jorney.

May God bless you,

Dr.OSBOND WASE GEORGE
Director,ATM Payment Department.
Direct Line: +234-8086-094-897

*****

Hi Wase –

It is with a heavy heart that I write to let you know that after seeing my podiatrist, Dr. Patas, he tells me that I am not supposed to fly at this time. My ingrown toenail has grown much worse, and he worries that the reduced air pressure on a commercial jet could possibly cause the infected area to explode. (And compounding things, I finally had a chance to look at Delta’s in-flight entertainment schedule for May, and I have to tell you—not impressed.)

He said the only way that he and the airline would give me clearance to travel would be for you to get a doctor there in Lagos (you could just use yours) to fill out/sign the attached medical release form (to ensure that I’d have a doctor there in case it gets worse on the flight). You could either fax it to me at my number or scan it in and email it. Then I have to physically take it to the airline counter and have it approved by them, kind of a pain!

I’m so sorry about this. If it’s too much of a burden on you, maybe we can get together later in the summer? Delta tells me that I can rebook for later on, as long as the origin and destination cities are the same.

Please let me know how you want to proceed.

Your partner,

-Paul

*****

My dear it is a pity,i want you to please take good care of your health first,when you are alright you can come,this office did not make provision for medical report/attention for any one coming to this office.
Alternatively,your card can be send to you through a well known courier service company of your choice,so that you will not take the risk of coming over here with you ill health,you will only foot the bill of the delivery charge of that courier service company and have your card delivered to you at your door step.

*****

[Wow, they're not scummy enough to rip me off AND put my health at risk ... I'm stunned! Think I'll wrap this one up now ...]

*****

My dear Wase –

Thank you for your concern. I will contact you when my health is better. In the meantime, are you on Facebook or LinkedIn? I would love to connect with you there and keep in touch.

All my love,

-Paul

*****

Thank you for your email,i think i have told you every thing you need to do,the most important thing now is for you to get your ATM CARD before the expiration.According you and your health condition,it is not advisable to travel at this moment,so i advise you to get back to me so that,by chosing the most convenient courier service that will deliver your ATM CARD to the comfort of your home,i will give you the activation number/tracking number,you can activate and cash your money immediately.
DHL,UPS AND FEDEX,Chose any of these,i will tell you the delivery cost and direct you on how to send the money,i will send you the airway bill for confirmation and which you will print on arrival of the courier service for ident ification and claim of your card.So get back to me now.

*****

My dearest Wase –

Thank you for this, and thank you for your care and everlasting concern for me. But my difficult medical situation (to say nothing of the billing issues that are already starting to rear their ugly heads; you’d think that a $75 copay for a specialist is enough, but now they say that this technically qualifies as urgent care. Can you believe that?!!?) has really caused me to take a deep breath and look at my life anew.

Wasey, at the end of the day, what do we have in this big, crazy world but our health and our friends? I’ve learned through this whole exercise that money isn’t what’s important, love and respect and good looks are what people remember about us.

My focus moving forward is to stay connected with good friends. And I’m so lucky to have made a new one in you. I hope that our friendship lasts the test of time and doesn’t slowly devolve like so many college friendships do. You know, like when you move to Omaha and Henry stays in Auburn with your ex-girlfriend who he was always hitting on. A decade or two later, you feel like you hardly know him anymore—it’s hard to keep up with the string of divorces, rehab appearances, run-ins with the law, fake identities, dozens of cross-country moves and dental implants. And plenty has happened with Henry, too, like marrying that old flame and having a couple of kids.

I guess my point is that I am truly thankful for the gift of OUR friendship, which has blossomed in this endeavor. The money really doesn’t mean anything to me at this point. You go ahead and keep it, Wasey. If you want to spend it on anything, come visit me here in the U.S. and treat yourself and the missus to first class. I’d love to see you both soon!

In God’s love,

-Paul

 

Share

Alas, Rosmah is dying

Dearest Friend,

Greetings to you, I want you to be my beneficiary if you can handle this project
according to my wish, I will be so much glad. I am an orphan and a single
woman originated from Asia. I have lived in United Kingdom for over 20 years doing
my Real Estate business. I have been suffering from a long time cancer of the breast
and became deaf after series of injections that affected my eardrum.

Presently, I’m with my computer in a hospital where I have been undergoing
treatment for cancer. Since I lost my organ of hearing and my doctors wrote to
me on a paper that I have only few months to live, It is my last wish to see that
the $4.5 Million I have in the bank should be used to build a charity organization
on my name in your Country in order to help the poor and motherless babies.
Give me this information if I can trust you and I will write to the hospital Attorney
to prepare the legal document on your name as my beneficiary.
Full Name…………
Age/Sex…………..
Contact phone number.
Address………..
Occupation…..
Marital status…
Country………..
With the subject to your response I will give you 30% of my funds while the remaining
70% will be used for the project. Get back to me immediately to enable me write to the
hospital Attorney to draft an agreement to seal up these funds in your name and you can
also deal with the bank directly if you wish. Please assure me that you will act
accordingly as I stated herein. Please you must treat this as personal matter as God
will bless you for helping the less privileged. Hoping to hear from you

Yours Sister,
Ms. Rosmah Majid.

*****

My sweetest sister Rosmah –

I am very distraught at hearing about the trials that you have endured. I would be most honored to help you with your wishes.

Please tell me a little about your birth parents. Were you ever able to meet them? I have an adopted friend who found his birth father, and lo and behold, it was Merv Griffin. You can understand his shock, actually being related to someone so famous. (They really aren’t on speaking terms any more, a long story.) Did you have a similar discovery? I would just love to hear your story.

Also fascinated to hear that you’re involved in the U.K. real estate business. Do you by chance know Sir Francois McThuddery, the Earl of Crestfallen? He is very active in the real estate market in Southeast London. He knows just everyone in the industry, and is really a great chap.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

-Paul

*****

Thank you for your email. Unfortunately I lost your previous mail, kindly resend me those information so that I can forward them to the hospital Attorney to do the paperwork.

Yours Sister,
Rosmah.

*****

I am reforwarding you the email! No worries my sister! Anything for a sister, you know. McThuddery thinks he did meet you at a Cotillion Ball last year. Does that sound familiar to you?

-Paul

*****

[No response]

*****

Rosmah, my sister –

I haven’t heard from you. I’m worried, as is Sir McThuddery. He called several of the hospitals in the area during a brief period of lucidity last night after the bars closed, but he was unable to locate you.

I am here to help you; what do you need from me? I know that the breast cancer and the deafness are a difficult burden to bear, but I’m sure they have some sort of pills for that. Perhaps you should mention it to the evening nurse.

Please reply, as I am growing increasingly nervous.

Love,

-Paul

*****

[No response]

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Our plot to beat those Longaberger basket people

Nigerian scammers scamming back humor fun emailsI am Barrister Kola Awodein, a solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to late Mr. George Brumley the African Area Director who was a consultant with Shell-development, who unfortunately was involved in the plane crash in Nairobi Kenya Airways Flight 431 in 16,355-foot Lenana Peak on Mount Kenya, Monday July 21 2003 you will read more stories about the crash on visiting this website, http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/07/20/kenya.crash/index.html and also in this website, where Brumley’s company talked about his death in the Kenya crash. Mr. George Brumley Hailed from Hamilton, Ontario Canada.Since the death of George Brumley, I as his personal attorney have made several inquiries to locate his only surviving relation, without any success.

I came across your name and contact on the course of my personal search for late George Brumley’s relations, so I decided to contact you for this project. I am contacting you to assist in repatriating and securing the wealth left behind in a fixed deposit account by Mr. Brumley, before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by Eco Bank Plc where my client operates an account worth $USD29 Million Dollars. The board of Eco Bank Plc has issued me a notice that after 2 months from now and no next of kin shown up for the claiming of the said funds, the funds will be confiscated and declared unserviceable. Since I and my team have been unsuccessful in locating George Brumley’s relatives for sometime now, it on this note that I seek your consent to present you as the Next of Kin of the deceased since you are a foreigner, so that the proceeds of this deposit valued at $USD29 Million Dollars can be released to you for our mutual benefits.

1. Your Full Names
2. Home/ mailing address
3. Phone Numbers
4. Age
5. Occupation
6. Copy of your passport or drivers license I have worked out the modalities for the persecution of this transaction which had meets all necessary requirements in our country and those of international arbitration.

All i require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this business successful. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement which will protect you from any breach of the law. Mr. Brumley was a very good man and it is not wise for me to allow his hard earned wealth to get confiscated by the greedy directors of Eco Bank Plc. Further details await your response by email.

PLEASE, TREAT THIS PROPOSAL AS TOP SECRET.

Yours faithfully,
Barr. Kola Awodein. (SAN)
Email: talk2kolaa@freemail.hu

*****

Hello Mr. Barrister Kola –

Thank you for the very timely email. This news could not have come at a better time for us. I am sorry to hear about Mr. Brumley’s passing. He was a good friend, although we had been out of touch for many years.

As you undoubtedly know, we have been working to build the world’s largest basket-shaped building for more than 20 years. Some time ago, the Longaberger Company, in Newark, Ohio, build a pathetic seven-story building that could hardly be called a basket. This has motivated our company that much more to see our dream realized, even though it’s been 10 or so years since we found out that fateful competitive news.

Our dream is to build a true basket skyscraper, which would be located in either Toledo or Atlanta. This beautiful structure would rise approximately 50 stories from a ground-level plaza that would be tiled to resemble a lovely picnic blanket. We have been having some financing issues (what with the whole Lehman Brothers downfall, the trouble with mezzanine financing, and now the rapid increases in wicker prices), and so, you see, your letter is very much welcomed.

Mr. Brumley’s $29 million would go a long way toward the construction costs, as we have thus far only raised about $2,100.

Thank you for contacting me, and I do promise to keep this all secret. Please let me know the next steps.

Best regards,

Paul Bartholomew Heney
CEO/CFO
Today’s Annual Basket Prototype Industries

*****

Dear Paul,

I have received your letter and must make you understand that you are in a good
position to assist me to receive this said funds in your account valued US$29
Million only. I am aware that you are not a relative to Mr. George Brumley but
with my position as the attorney to the deceased customer I am going to file in
application on your behalf and present you as the next of kin to the deceased
customer to enable you receive the fund for a joint benefits.

Having received your email you are required to reply me confirming your
capability in handling this matter based on the financial involvement ans also
send me your personal details to enable me forward application of claim to the
bank.

On confirmation of the required information I will further advise you on what
to do and how we are going to proceed with the business. In case on any
question kindly state accordingly so that I can clarify you immediately
meanwhile I must let you understand that there is no risk involved in the whole
matter as far as you are going to follow my instruction accordingly. You can
call my below direct line for discussion.
Yours Truly,
Barr. Kola Awodein. (SAN)
+2348125957189

*****

Dear Barrister Kola –

Thank you so much! Before we proceed, I have three important questions for you:

1. Will I have to pay sales tax on the $29 million? This would greatly impede the building of the skyscraper.
2. Is it necessary for me to be fluent in the appropriate African language? Unfortunately, I am not currently, although there are courses nearby, I’m sure.
3. Can we legally include Mr. Brumley’s name on the building? Our board is considering calling it the “Brumley Basket Building” but I want to be sure of this technicality.

Please let me know these three answers, and I will get you the information we need.

Warmly,

-Paul

*****

Dear Paul,

I got your mail and I would like to say thank you for your readiness and trust you confided in me allow me to inform you that the deceased Bank will require some vital documents and charges for them to release the funds into your designated account.
Yes, we can name the building Brumley Basket Building for the benefit of mankind and again you do not need to be fluent in Africa language all you need is to confirm to me that you are capable of handling this transaction also know that I am going to present you to the bank as the next of kin to late Brumley.
On confirmation of the required identification I will further advise you on what to do and how we are going to proceed with the business. In case on any question, kindly state accordingly so that I can clarify you immediately meanwhile I must let you understand that there is no risk involved in the whole matter as far as you are going to follow my instruction accordingly.

You can call my below direct line for discussion. +2348125957189
Yours Truly,

Barr. Kola Awodein. (SAN)
+2348125957189

*****

Oh Barrister!

I am so happy to hear this good news.

By means of this email, I do hereby acknowledge, confirm and swear (to our Holy, Holy, Holy Lord on Most High) that I am capable of handling this transaction. I have handled many, many important transactions with “First Federal of Lakewood” bank, an internationally reputable financial house. These generally dealt with many dozens of dollars each time.

Additionally, I have only been late with one bill/payment in the past year. That involved our water bill to the city of Cleveland. As a side project, I was attempting to construct a large fort made out of water balloons on our property. It was part of a “Christmas in July” promotion that our city was sponsoring. I was going for sort of a water balloon igloo vibe, but after having significant structural problems with a dome shape, we had to change to a fort. Things were further compounded when the next door neighbor’s cat, Vittles, was spooked by a Hawaiian shirt-wearing animatronic Santa. As Vittles had not been declawed, I’m sure you can understand that the resulting destruction of the balloons was significant. Well, not to bore you with all of these details, but we had to start all over again, and this was a significant hit on our monthly water bill. We ended up being a few weeks late with our payment.

Do you think this is a problem? I’d hate to have this one mark on my credit report mess up this deal.

Thank you for your clarity on this. I look forward to proceeding as soon as possible if you don’t think this past problem is a deal-breaker.

Warmly,

-Paul

*****

Dear paul,
you are require to send me the following information to enable me prepare an application of claim to the bank on your behalf here.
The requested information bellow:
1 your full name.
2 your address.
3 your occupation.
4 your age.
5 your telephone number.
6 your id card or drivers license.
Upon the receipt of the require information we shall proceed further.
Thanks,
barrister kola

*****

Wonderful! So my water payment issue still allows me to participate? Please let me know the ruling, so I can get you the 6 necessary items.

-Paul

*****

Send the requested information for us to proceed.
Kola

*****

Hi Kola!

That is just great.

Here are my details:

Paul Henry-Jackson Jr.
2331 Tadpole-Westfield Lane
North Olmsted, Ohio 44070
I am 35 years old.
I am a male.
I am a part-time truck driver, but I do this freelance.
My annual income is $59,000.
I don’t have a way to scan my driver’s license, but my Ohio drivers license number is W345965ED2.

Does this work? Do you need information on my bank, too?

-Paul

*****

Please send your telephone number so that the bank and i can reach you
As for your account information the bank will ask you once they contact you, but for now your phone number is needed.
Thanks.
Kola

*****

Dear paul,
i could not go to the bank yesterday because of the public holiday that was declear by the government. So i will be going to the bank this morning to submit the appliction of claim on your behalf here for the bank to notify you as the next of kin to my late client. Meanwhile, you are require to send me your phone number for easy communication.
Thanks,
barrister kola

*****

I have submitted the application of claim to the bank and the bank will contact you to let you know their requirement.
Pls once the bank contact you do let me know so that i can advise you on what to do next.
Kola

*****

Good morning Coke –

I received something in the mail just this morning for a Capital One Visa, with “an ultra-low rate of 5.1% interest for the first six months.” I know this is very, very fast, but could this be the bank you are talking about? I find the timing to simply be too much of a coincidence.

Here’s the kicker: I also get discounts on groceries and gasoline, so if this is the case, it is good news, indeed! I will send you a basket of fresh fruit from my grocer as a thank you for your help.

Please let me know at your soonest ability if this is the bank you are talking about.

-Paul

*****

[No response]

******

Cola –

Did you get my email, below? Perhaps the bank is closed? Away on a bank holiday? Or maybe they have turned down our application.

I am growing worried now. Please advise me on what our next steps should be. I stress-eat Cheetos when I’m nervous, and I’ve cranked through 3 or 4 of those damn bags in the last 36 hours alone.

Let me know!!!

Thanks,

-Paul

*****

[No response]

 

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If you’re British, here’s a pop quiz …

Big Ben London scamming scammers Nigerian scams humor NigerianScamFun hysterical funnyDear Friend,

Please I will like to know if you have hired Attorney John Palmer as your representative towards the collection of your Inheritance with the deposit company. Because am corresponding to the false Email claims I daily receive from Attorney John Palmer. That you have requested and hired his services as your representative Attorney to make the collection of your $1.5Million USD inheritance estate cheque funds collection.

I will not oblige to his request, the reason is because you have not personally notify me about his coming and also after making consultations with the law suit Chamber he claimed he represent. I was told such name do not exist with the law firm either in the past or present. Without wasting much time, I have taken your cheque inheritance collection to the finance ministry to de-activate the Encrypted code been placed on it by your benefactor. All this activity was done by me last week to enable me conclude the final phase of your transaction with the finance ministry.

Meanwhile, I have received response from the Deposits company that they have received your package collection Friday last week at about 14:00 GMT.Because they were the issuing bank deposits company that notify me earlier that you have a package collection consignment for pick up as bestowed in the will document papers of late Rev Father James. Elias who issued you this $1.5Million USD payment cheque in your name. So as the attorney to the deceased I was out-rightly informed about your collections which prompt me to take decisive actions immediately by following what was stated in his will papers.

Once again, I hope and pray you use your Inheritance collection payment as issued to you wisely by investing with it and paying One tenth of it as your tithe to any Red Cross society or orphanage homes near you in helping a soul today.

Furthermore, your compliance towards this E-mail is highly anticipated, to enable the deposit company remit your inheritance payment cheque to you immediately, thank you.

I really want to know your stands on this matter before I pull OFF.

Signed:
Barrister George Williams.
Legal Consultant on Mortgage Equity and Financial network.
E-mail: georgewilliams250@inbox.ru

*****

My kind Dr. Williams –

I have not hired that Attorney John Palmer. I believe he is trying to cheat both of us, Dr. Williams. Please cease and desist your dealings with him immediately. I fear he is some sort of—dare I even say this heinous term—scam artist.

I assume you are with the advance title mortgage deposit reference company in London, England? Please confirm so I can get you the required information as soon as possible,

-Paul

*****

Dear Paul

I am in receipt of your Email response as prompt.

I have to inform you that the deposit company has issued your certified bank draft check $1,500,000 {$1.5 Million} collection to late Reverend. Father James secretary whom is Martins Owner. Immediately I forwarded the power of attorney letter of recommendations to the deposit company to release the collection to the secretary. Send your Full name and address to him, Also you can ask him to send fund through your bank account.

Meanwhile, it’s still un-believable to me that till this moment you have not made the collection of your Traveler cashier check payment with the Deposit Company. By now you ought to have started enjoying your benefits.

Here is the contact information’s For the Deposit Company.
Contact Person:, Martins Owner, who is the head of foreign remittance Department, Metropolitan Company.
Email: martinsowner@w.cn
E-mail: martinsowner@rocketmail.com

Once again, I hope and pray you use your Inheritance collection payment as issued to you wisely by investing with it and paying One tenth of it as your tithe to any Red Cross society or orphanage homes near you in helping a soul today.

Signed
Barrister George Williams

*****

Dear Dr. George and Martins –

This whole affair is becoming very upsetting to me. I was never informed that the Reverend Father’s money has been sitting there waiting for me. How long has it been sitting? Days? Weeks?

What I am getting at is that even sitting in a simple passbook savings account of 0.1% interest, we’re talking about $29 or so worth of interest every week. And I’m pretty sure that I could get a lot closer to 1% interest with a lot of banks around here.

I think this is the sort of thing that need to be brought to the attention to the Deposit Company. At the very least, we should get that church secretary’s ass fired. It’s just unacceptable that I was uninformed until now.

Please let me know what the next steps are so I can get my money.

-Paul

*****

Dear Sir,

Thank you today, this is to remind you that I have not receive any reply from you on my last mail to you, please do reply to enable start the process of getting your said inheritance fund released to you.

Martins Owner

*****

Hello Martins –

I did not receive your reply to my last email, where I expressed my concerns about whether interest would be included. I do not feel that I should be penalized for this error on the Deposit Company’s account. What amount will be added to the $1,500,000 to make this right? And has that moronic secretary been fired yet?

I am looking forward to your answers before we proceed.

Thanking you in Christ,

-Paul

*****

Paul,
Thank you for your mail and question about your interest that the fund accumulated please i will just want you to forget about the interest and go on on the claim also nobody is arrested since the bank did not honor their request, i need to tell you that your Certified Check has been issued and ready to be send to your address, as given,i will be happy if you understand my stand, what is needed is bank official Linguistic fee to enable them released this certified cashier check to me for onward post to your giving address, your urgent reply will be honored.

Your Sincerely
Martins Owner

*****

Hello Martins –

Fine. After much soul searching, I have decided to drop my request for the interest. But I am unclear as to why we are paying a fee for the scientific study of human language?

Now, if there was just some sort of bank fee, well, I’d understand that, for sure. But a linguistic fee just seems so random and over the top. Would you please check into what this is all about? I’ve never been a huge fan of the humanities.

Thank you,

-Paul

*****

Paul,
Thank you for this mail,i went to the bank immediately i received your mail to ask what this fee stands for and i was told that, it is documentations like clearance certificate and to notarize the document that will accompany the fund to it country of transfer, please sir our delaying this issue will not help, send to me as soon as possible the bank information were you will want this fund transfer, and i was told that you should send the charges using the name of, Sarah Joy, address, United Kingdom London you can send through Money gram money transfer or western union money transfer,

I wait for your reply
Martins Owner

*****

Hello Martins –

Okay, I suppose that is acceptable. I have about $6,800 in my savings account, so hopefully the fee is not that much, I’d prefer not to have to temporarily borrow any money. What is the actual amount of the fee? You have never told me.

Also, my wife is a little suspicious. Do not worry, I have mostly satisfied her about this transaction, I’ve explained that you are a trustworthy man and that this is all in the name of the most holy Reverend Father. But she said that sometimes there are Nigerians who are posing as English bankers and they’re not really English bankers, they’re Nigerians. To finally shut her up, we agreed that I could just have you answer some basic phrases/expressions that an Englishman would know (or if Sarah Joy can answer them, that would satisfy my wife, too).

I’ll paste my wife’s questions below as fill-in-the-blanks.

Jolly old ________
The clock tower of Big ________
Fish and chips and ____________
The ____________ of Parliment
Who wants to really ____________?
Queen ________ II
Celery and raisin _______________
Patricia ___________________
Dig me up a __________________

Please send me the answers and I’ll get my wife to agree to this. And let me know the exact amount of the fee so I can send it to Sarah Joy immediately thereafter!

Thank you again,

-Paul

P.S. I think you forgot Sarah Joy’s address. You just had it listed as “address.” Or is that the name of a street in downtown London (confusing if it is, huh?). Sorry about my confusion there.

*****

I cannot understand why all this questions look below if this ok with you
Jolly old ________saint nicholas

The clock tower of Big ________Ben

Fish and chips and ____________ vinegar or peas

The _Westminster of Parliment

Who wants to really ____________? hang out with me

Queen ________ II pts

Celery and raisin _______________ sandwich

Patricia ___________________Louise

Dig me up a __________________milk and cookies

*****

Martins –

Thank you for your cooperation. My wife said you scored perfectly! Maybe now that woman will go back in the kitchen and keep quiet. Not that I want her to actually cook, mind you. Her meatloaf could kill a horse.

Anyway, let’s get to business. I need to know the fee amount and where to send it. Please let me know.

As a short aside, are you any relation to Marty “Chesty” Owner Jr., the former barrister of Oxfordshire-on-Spanglish? He and my father were very good friends back in college in the 1970s, and as a coincidence, they actually spent a summer serving as interns in the Westminster of Parliment. Well, I’m guessing it’s a pretty common last name there in England, but you never know. It is a small world.

Looking forward to your instructions,

-Paul

*****

Paul,
thank you once more, the amount is 340 pounds and it equivalent to dollar is $680, send using the name of SARAH JOY,United Kingdom London, the world is a small world as you said, my promise to you is that fund will be released to you under 48 hours once this payment is received.

Martins Owner

*****

Good morning Martin –

This is great, wonderful! I’ve just returned from the Cleveland airport post office, which is open 24 hours. I mailed $680.00 in cash to Sarah at this address, as instructed:

Sarah Joy
Address
United Kingdom
London

I hope I did it right. I used a $0.98 international first class stamp, so I’m thinking it will arrive in 3 or 4 days, worst case scenario. Please have Sarah watch her mail, and let me know when it is received.

I couldn’t tell from your response whether you know Chesty Owner. He wouldn’t be your father or uncle by chance? Maybe your comment about it indeed being a small world was acknowledging that you two are related? That would be so, so, so, so, so, funny.

Your friend,

-Paul

*****

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR JOKES, IT IS FUNNY, MAY GOD HELP YOU


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My all-too-brief relationship with Carol Leo

Goodday,

My name is Carol Leo; I am 24 years old, from Napoli Italy , where I school and work as a fashion designer for part time job during after my school. I am the only daughter of my parents My both parents (Father & Mother) died in a fatal accident on the 6th March 2003, on their way to attend a family friend’s birthday ceremony, May their gentle soul rest in perfect peace, Amen.

Before the death of my parents, they had willed part of our Real Estate and the total amount of 8,700,000.00 (Eight Million Seven Hundred Euros) to me. Now at their death, and because things has become very hard for me paying my school fees and taking care of my other needs which the tailoring job I do as a part-time after my school couldn’t help, so, I went to our Bank where this money was deposited.

I was shocked when the Bank Manager explained to me that I will not be able to with-draw from the deposited money, because my father had put a clause on the Will, which he used in depositing the funds with them, saying that before I will be given access to the money, I will either have to be 30 years old or I will be given access to the money, if only i get married before the age of 30 , in which case, my husband will be legible to collect the money on my behalf by standing in as my late fathers next of kin to claim the deposited funds on my behalf.

Today I am only 24years old. And I have no access to the money till I’m 30 years. So, I’m contacting you to stand as my husband to claim this fund on my behalf even if you are married already, you can still help me by standing in as my late father’s next of kin to the deposited funds. So, I hope that we shall discuss how you want remunerated when you get back to me. For my part, I shall be more than willing to part with 35% of the total sum to you,while 10% will be mapped out for any expenses that we’re to use to receive the money from the deposited Bank.

Please remember I am writing you this email purely on the ground of trust. While this transaction last, we must be able to put emotions aside and face it, perhaps after everything, we might find a need for that if you are still single. Waiting to hear from you soon.

Yours Truly,
Carol Leo

*****

Hello Carol –

Yes, I will be your savior in this time of need. I am so blessed to have heard from you! I somehow feel that there is a strong connection between us already. Do you feel it, too?

I was touched by the tragic story about your parents, they were in my prayers all of last night. And you, my sweet, such a thing to endure. My heart goes out to you. I’ve called the pastor at my church, His Holy, Holy, Holy Blood, and a special mass will be said for your parents on Sunday, May 15th. I’ve also talked to Rev. Beaupeap about our impending wedding. He has agreed to preside, but he also indicated it would be good to have you in the the Mass.

I will work on arranging the airline tickets for you, and you can let me know what else you need from me, as far as any help from my bank. I’m quite well off financially, so no worries to you!

Love,

-Paul

*****

NigerianScamFun photo Nigerian email scamMy Dear Paul,

I am very grateful to receive your message.

I actually received your email with much gladness and I perfectly understand the content of your e-mail. Something in me tells me you are sincere and for real, and also that i can find this 100% trust in you.

I don’t want my late father’s attorney to know about my plans of asking someone to act as my husband to claim this fund for me until we make every arrangement ready; because his son has approached me for marry and I refuse.

I have meet with an accredited attorney who told me that i can claim this fund while in your country or in any part of the world as long as we obtain the appropriate document that will be useful in completing this transaction if you cannot come to my country here and I will join you as soon as this fund is transferred to you.

All i need is your sincere co-peration and assisance so that we can proceed in the marriage aspect, even if you are married you can still help me as adviced by the attorney, the only we need is to have the attorney procure a marriage certificate for both of us and you will use the certificate to contact the bank as my husband and the fund will be transferd to you.

Please I need your pictures, and mailing address as soon as you go through my mail. I will tell you more on how you are to claim this fund for me according to the instructions of the accredited attorney. My picture is attached to this message.

I will be waiting to hear from you,

Yours Sincerely
Carol

*****

Carol –

You are even more beautiful than I had imagined! Wow, I cannot wait to see you, so to speak.

I’m getting tired of your father’s attorney. I think his son is a fraud, do not marry him!!! It must be me, Carol. Have I mentioned that I’m very tall (5 foot 8) and slim (210 lb) and have not been in any major car accidents? I have a slight limp, but that is not really a concern for matters in the bedroom!

Currently, I’m on the phone with Delta Airlines to reserve your ticket. They want your full name, but I didn’t know your middle name, so I just told them it was Constantia, because it sounded Italian. Please let me know if that’s wrong.

They have a flight that leaves Naples at 12:50 p.m. on Saturday, but you’d have to connect through Paris and then backtrack to Istanbul with a 6 hr-layover there. Then you’d fly into Atlanta and then up to Cleveland, getting in Monday early morning. Of course I’ll pick you up, my apartment is only a short drive away.

The fare is $5,430, but you are worth it, my sweet! :-)

Do you prefer window or aisle seats? And do you have a Delta Skymiles account? You may as well get miles for this!

-Paul

*****

[No response]

*****

Hi Carol –

Hope everything is okay with you. Do you have the attorney/banking instructions yet?

I put a 24-hour hold on the Delta flight. Are you okay with the itinerary?

I hope I have not scared you off. I am a truthful, honest, sincere, drug-free, and not in any way bulimic individual. You can trust me, Carol.

Also, I was up late last night making you a mix tape of songs that I thought we would both enjoy. It’s very eclectic, with some Alison Krauss, Crazy Bone, Enrique Iglesias, Sir Mix-a-Lot, Celine Dion, and of course Skee-lo.

Looking forward to hearing from you!!!!!!!!

-Paul

*****

[No response]

*****

Goodday,

My name is Carol Leo; I am 24 years old, from Napoli Italy , where I school and work as a fashion designer for part time job during after my school. I am the only daughter of my parents My both parents (Father & Mother) died in a fatal accident on the 6th March 2003, on their way to attend a family friend’s birthday ceremony, May their gentle soul rest in perfect peace, Amen.

Before the death of my parents, they had willed part of our Real Estate and the total amount of 8,700,000.00 (Eight Million Seven Hundred Euros) to me. Now at their death, and because things has become very hard for me paying my school fees and taking care of my other needs which the tailoring job I do as a part-time after my school couldn’t help, so, I went to our Bank where this money was deposited.

I was shocked when the Bank Manager explained to me that I will not be able to with-draw from the deposited money, because my father had put a clause on the Will, that before I will be given access to the money, I will either have to be 30 years old or provide guidian male or female because my late father deposited the money with my name as a next of kin while he registered it with a foriegn partner. So I will be given access to the money, if only i get married before the age of 30 , in which case, my husband will be legible to collect the money on my behalf by standing in as my late fathers next of kin to claim the deposited funds on my behalf.

Today I am only 24years old. And I have no access to the money till I’m 30 years. So, I’m contacting you to stand as my husband to claim this fund on my behalf even if you are married already, you can still help me by standing in as my late father’s next of kin to the deposited funds. So, I hope that we shall discuss how you want remunerated when you get back to me. For my part, I shall be more than willing to part with 35% of the total sum to you,while 10% will be mapped out for any expenses that we’re to use to receive the money from the deposited Bank.

Please remember I am writing you this email purely on the ground of trust. While this transaction last, we must be able to put emotions aside and face it, perhaps after everything, we might find a need for that if you are still single. Waiting to hear from you soon.

Yours Truly,
Carol Leo

*****

Carol! It’s me!

I was so concerned about you, as you hadn’t replied to my email from Thursday. I wasn’t able to hold your Delta flight for more than 24 hours. And, honestly, I was scared that you had been having second thoughts about us. I’ve been working on my halitosis, and I swear it is under control.

Do we still have a chance? Rev. Beaupeap will be so glad to hear about this. Do you still want me to fly you here to be with me? We can get the money from your parents together. I know it can work.

In love,

-Paul

*****

[No response]

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Patrick & the Chinese McDonald’s magazine

FROM: Mr.Patrick K. W. Chan
(Executive Director & Chief financial Officer)
Hang Seng Bank Limited
83 Des Voeux Road, Central
Hong Kong SAR

FOR YOUR KIND ATTENTION!

It is understandable that you might be a little bit apprehensive because you do not know me but I have a lucrative business proposal of mutual interest to share with you. I got your reference in my search for someone who suits my proposed business relationship.
I am Mr. Patrick K. W. Chan Executive Director & Chief financial Officer of Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have an obscured business suggestion for you. I will need you to assist me in executing a business project from Hong Kong to your country. It involves the transfer of a large sum of money. Everything concerning this transaction shall be legally done without hitch. Please endeavour to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue.
Once the funds have been successfully transferred into your account, we shall share in the ratio to be agreed by both of us.

I will prefer you reach me on my private email address below (p.chaankw@yahoo.com.hk) and finally after that I shall furnish you with more information’s about this operation.
Please if you are not interested delete this email and do not hunt me because I am putting my career and the life of my family at stake with this venture. Although nothing ventured is nothing gained.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,
Mr.Patrick Chan

*****

Dear Patrick–

So good to hear from you. I think we actually met at the now-defunct Enterprise Investment Equality International Opportunities (EIEIO) conference in Hong Kong, probably in the late 1990s? The memory fails at the exact year.

And your timing is most excellent. I’ve recently come into a sizeable inheritance from my Great Aunt Fritters – slightly more than $200,000, in fact. With some of that money, I have begun plans for the launch of the first Chinese-language consumer magazine dedicated to eating at the McDonalds restaurant chain. As you undoubtedly know, McDonalds is growing by leaps and bounds in the Oriental countries, and our cultural marketing saavy will capitalize on that.

Additionally, with no other real competitors in the market, now that Taco Bell Fortnightly/South Korea has folded, the time is right!

That said, bringing more money into this project will certainly guarantee its success.

I also ask for your complete and utter confidentiality, as I don’t need any of my ex-wives to find out about this.

Please let me know at your earliest convenience if this might align with your business plan, and if so, please include your specific thoughts on the magazine’s potential readership numbers in Hong Kong and those other Chinese cities that are so big.

Very excited to potentially be working with you on this!

Warmly,

-Paul

*****

Dear Paul

The first thing i will do is to get you acquinted with the complete details (a general overview)of this transaction so as to give you a foundation on which to make a concrete decision.

I contacted you concerning a deceased customer Aziz Musa Numan (An Iraqi Crude oil merchant), and an investment he placed under our banks management. Once again I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail.First of all i want thank you for considering my proposal.

In June 2005, Aziz Musa Numan came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our private banking division and invested 18.3 million United States dollars, which he wished to have us turn over (invest). As the officer in charge of his transaction, I encouraged him to consider various growth funds with prime ratings. The favoured route in my advice to customers is to start by assessing data on 600 traditional stocks and bond managers and 300 managers of alternative investments. Based on my advice, we were able to spin the initial deposit with profit and interest to 22.5 million United States dollars.

Upon maturity several notice was sent to him, even during the war (U.S and Iraqi war), Five years ago. Again after the war another notification was sent and still no response came from him. After series of investigation, I got information that Aziz Musa Numan and his family had been killed during the war in a bomb blast that hit his home at Mukaradeeb where his personal oil well was.

Because of the sensitive nature of private banking, most customers want to leave no traces and rarely do they nominate next of kin.

Private banking clients apart from not nominating next of kin also usually in most cases leave wills in our care, in this case; our now deceased client died in testate.

It is quite clear now that our dear client died with no known or identifiable family member. According to practice, the Private banking sector will by the end of this year broadcast a request for statement of claim to Hang Seng Bank Ltd, failing to receive viable claims they will most probably revert the deposit to Management of Hang Seng Bank Ltd. This will result in the money entering the Hang Seng accounting system and the portfolio will be out of my hands and out of the private banking division. What bothers me most is that according to the laws of my country at the expiration of six {6} years the funds will revert to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the funds.

What I wish to relate to you will smack off unethical practice but I want you to understand something. It is only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational. The world of private banking especially is fraught with huge rewards for those who sit upon certain chairs and oversee certain portfolios.

What I am saying in essence is that there is US$22,500,000.00 deposit just lying unclaimed. And all investigation by the bank to locate a next of kin has come to an end no success.

My proposal; I am prepared to furnish the necessary details to you as the closest surviving relation. I am also proposing that after successful execution of the business deal and the money in your account, the funds be disbursed in the ratio 30/70; 30% of the funds will go to you for offering yourself as the next of kin and providing a foreign account for safe transfer of the funds and 70% will be for me. Please let me know in your next correspondence if the above sharing ratio is okay by you.

Once more, I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this mail and forget I ever contacted you, I ask that you do not be vindictive and destructive; do not destroy my career. Such opportunities only come ones way once in a lifetime. I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new opportunities. I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank. If you give me positive signals, I will give you the relevant modus operandi to initiate this process towards a conclusion.I will be waiting for the required informations from you so that we can move ahead.Do not betray my confidence. I await your response.

Sincerely,
Mr. Patrick K. W. Chan

*****

Hello Patrick –

Thank you for the quick response. I had emergency surgery on my right fibula, so I was out of contact for a couple of days.

Fascinating story about Mr. Aziz Musa Numan, and what a tragedy for him and his family. It goes to show you that you shouldn’t locate your home next to your personal oil well, I suppose. And dying in testate sounds uncomfortable, but I’m not entirely familiar with that condition.

I understand your situation and I am comfortable with my 30% share, which would come out to $6.75 million U.S. or 52,479,518 Hong Kong dollars, according to a highly reputable conversion program that I just found through a Google search.

Beyond this transaction you describe, I have concluded that it is critical for us to have your help as our consultant on the startup of the Chinese consumer magazine for McDonalds customers that I referenced earlier. I think your experience and obvious fortitude would make you the right person for us in Asia. We would be prepared to make you a 17% partner in our venture, in exchange for your expertise/consulting.

I do have several questions I would like you to answer to help us in our research:

1. Again, what do you think is a reasonable assumption for the magazine’s readership numbers in Hong Kong and Peking and those other enormous cities you have there in China? (Please round to the nearest hundred thousand.)

2. I know from your correspondence that you are a family man. How many times per month do you take your children to a McDonalds? To competing fast food restaurants?

3. Would you say the decision to visit McDonalds is primarily yours/your wife’s or is it influenced by your kids’ wishes? Also, how many kids to you have, and what are their ages/genders?

4. Lastly, are there unique cultural Chinese menu items at the restaurants there (say a McSquid instead of a McRib) that we should be aware of?

Please let me know your answers to these 4 questions, and also how we should proceed in transferring the $22.5 million dollars or what I can do to help with that.

Warm regards,

-Paul

*****

Dear Paul,

I received your email.

If i may ask, are all these questions realy necessary for this transaction we have at hand now? i would want to tell you that i am a family with a wife and two love children and we are all doing well.My family and i we do go to mcdonald for lunch depending when it is suitable for us and also when i am les busy, but i cannot remember how many times we visit mcdonald for a month.

The menu there are realy nice and my children likes eating the english menu like the hamgurger, chicken nuggets,snack fruit and walnut salad and so on.

I will get back to you with more informations of this transaction in my next email to you

Regards
Parick

*****

Dear Paul
Thank you for your response and your interest to assist me in this transaction. Like I said before, following the issue on my hands, it became necessary for me to seek your assistance. I appreciate the fact that you are ready to assist me in executing this project, and also you will help me in investing my money in your country, if you will agree to do that for me to shield me from the authorities in my bank and in my country. I will then transfer money in small bits from your country to my bank account in Hong Kong in form of business proceeds to avoid unnecessary questioning. You should not have anything to worry about, I will do everything legally required to ensure that the project goes smoothly, it shall pass through all Laws of International Banking, and you have my word. Having resolved to entrust this transaction into your hands, I want to remind you that, it needs your commitment and diligent follow up. If you work seriously, the entire transaction should be over in a couple of days.

READ THE FOLLOWING AND GET BACK TO ME:

Firstly, I would want to know your work designation, in fact, I would want to know precisely the type of business or job you do and how old you are. Let it be known to you that this project is highly capital intensive, this is why I have to be very careful; I need your total devotion and trust to see this through. I know we have not met before, but I am very confident that we will be able to establish the necessary trust that we need to execute this project.

I am now in contact with a foreign online bank, I would intend that you open an account in your name in this foreign bank, when the time come I will guide you on that. The money would be transferred to your account which you will open in the bank for both of us, this is the best way I think we could be protected from my bank, because I know if we do not do it in the most unsuspecting manner, they will raise eyebrow which could lead to further investigation. So please do follow my plans religiously because I have the master plan for a hitch free transfer of these funds out of my bank in your favour. I want us to enjoy this money in peace when we conclude. I have been making this plan for a long time now since it was discovered that this customer died. I got the cue after several months of disguised inquiries.

Also you have to know that I cannot transfer this money in my name as my bank will be aware that it is from me, this is where I need you. As a result of this, you will have to open an account in the corresponding bank. I will obtain a certificate of deposit from this my bank, and it will be issued in your name which will make you the bonafide owner of the funds. After this, the money will be banked online for both of us. We can then instruct the bank to transfer the funds to a secured bank you will provide in your country or any other safe haven.

I will also perfect the documentations with the assistance of my attorney to give the transaction the legal right it requires. Before I commence, I will need you to send me your full names, telephone number, marital status, a copy of any form your identification (Driver’s licence Work ID or International passport) and your current address. I want to be sure that I am transacting with the correct person. As soon as I get these from you, I will commence the paper work. I hope you will understand why I need all these, the money in question is big and I want to ensure that I know you well before I proceed to give you all the details to commence the project, I will also send you my Work Identification and my family pictures upon receipt of your identification. I will send the name and contact details of the bank so that you can commence communication with them once I know it is ripe to do so. Ensure that you keep this project confidential; do not discuss it with anybody, because of the confidential nature of this transaction and my work.

Please reply soonest.

Regards
Patrick Chan

*****

Hello Patrick –

I’m uncomfortable with the idea of sending you my driver’s license. I do a fair amount of driving here, and I need it in my wallet. I mean, what would happen if I were to be stopped by the police? Of course, I wouldn’t mention this whole transaction to them—I mean, there is no way we should get them involved—but they would certainly want to see my driver’s license, and I wouldn’t have it. I’d have to come up with an excuse like my cat keeps stealing it (I don’t have a dog), but I am not sure if that is really believable.

Do you have any other ideas?

Thank you for everything!!

-Paul

*****

Dear Paul,

What i needed from you is a copy of your Drivers scan to me via email attachment and other requirements requested from you so that we can proceed with the transaction.This transaction is worth taking any sacrifice and you have my word.”MY WORD IS MY BOND”.

Just follow simple instructions by sending me all the requirements and we shall proceed.

Regards
Patrick Chan

*****

Oh, I see! Sorry about that. Does it matter if it’s a black & white or color copy? I’ll get over to Kinko’s as soon as I hear from you.

-Paul

*****

Dear Paul,

I received your email.

Weather it is colour or black and white that does not realy matter, all what i need is a copy of any form of identification scan to me via email attachment and other requested informations like your full names,your current address where you live, marital status, date of birth, occupation or the type of business or work you are doing.

I will be expecting to hear from you soon.

Regards
Patrick Chan

*****

Okay, thank you.

I just returned from the copy place. I had quite a bit of trouble, as we couldn’t figure out whether you needed the standard 8.5″ x 11″ paper or the A4, which I think is more of a European style. But since you’re close to Europe, we used the A4. I hope that is okay, please let me know if it is not.

I also spoke with my brother-in-law, who works for the law firm Huffington, Huffington and Barbasol, perhaps you know it? He said that due to the sensitive nature of this transaction, we should not exchange either of our information via fax or email, but only through normal postal ways. I tend to agree with this. I think that’s how the Sandinistas got burned all those years ago. What address should I mail the information to?

Oh, and I am still waiting to hear your estimates on what you think a reasonable circulation would be for the magazine. Our printer is asking for some estimates. Please let me know.

Also, we have three finalists for the publication name and tagline. I think some of the wording is awkward myself, but our translator from the community college insists that these are the best combinations. Please let me know which one you prefer:

1.
McDonalds Happy Fry and Meal Consumer Magazine
Eating happy for Chinese

2.
Chinese McDonalds Customer
It’s all in Your Hands and Mouth

3.
Nugget Fry Hamburger Joint
A McDonalds publication for the Orientals

Warmly,

-Paul

*****

Dear Paul,

You can scan and send to me which ever ways you want but the most important thing is that i receive a copy of your ID and other requested informations from you.Please send al informations to my personal email address:p.chaankws@yahoo.com.hk.As soon as i rehanceive all these informations i shall be sending you mine and we shall proceed with the documentations.

I will be expecting to hear from you soon.

Regards
Patrick Chan

*****

Please re-read my last email. Bart has suggested that we only do it through the mail, not email. And let me know your thoughts on the number of issues we should print and the magazine name.

Thanks & God’s eternal love,

-Paul

*****

Dear Paul,

I received your email.

You have to follow my advice because i am the master planner of tthis project.I want every of our correspondence to go via email and not by post ok?

If you are interested, please send all informations to me via email and i will get back to you in regards.

Regards
Patrick

*****

Okay, I will get you the information you have requested. But I am growing a little concerned that I have been doing as you have asked, and am following all of your rules—and you have still not responded to my questions about the number of magazines we should print for the first run and your choice for the magazine name.

If we want to trust each other, please know that these answers are of critical importance to me.

Much happiness,

-Paul

*****

Dear Paul,

I received your email.

We would discuss that when the money in question is already in or our your custody.The most important thing is to send the requested informations so that we can furge ahead…

Regards
Patrick

*****

No, Patrick, I need to know your seriousness first. They are easy questions, I’m growing increasingly concerned that you won’t answer them. How do you think the people behind the former KFC Journal in Macau got started?

Does this have something to do with your family? I am concerned about you. Has this whole affair started to take a toll on your relationship with your wife and children? I sure hope not. How is your romantic life? Have you told your children you love them lately? Patrick, you must not let those closest to you suffer as a time like this. We will get through it, my brother.

-Paul

*****

[No reply]

*****

Patrick –

Still awaiting your reply? I hope you are keeping safe.

-Paul

*****

[No reply]

 

 

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