A care package for Michelle in the Ivory Coast

FROM MISS MICHELLE MA…..

Quite frankly, I know it may have sounded pretty strange for you on why I chose to contact you who are a complete stranger to me and I must tell you this, I contacted you for the simple reason that we do not know each other. It would be very difficult for me to contact anybody here who knows me for this purpose as I may stand the risk and chance of being cheated of my inheritance because the person would have known my weaknesses. I may even lose my life that is why I decided to contact you a complete stranger.
My name is Michelle Marcel the only child of my parent. During the civil and political crisis in our country, my parents were poisoned by heartless people. Fortunately for me, I was in the school when this tragedy took place to my family. I was in coma for almost two weeks. But I thank the almighty God because I never knew that I could support the shock of losing almost my family. Right now I am still here in country but very unsafe for me.

I’m living in great fear and bondage. I intend leaving this country as soon as possible but only one thing kept me back. My late father has deposited with one of the prime financial institution the sum of money, $3.2Million USD .But unfortunately he did not complete the transaction before he sudden died. I have mapped out 25% out of the total money for your help and assistances because it looks stupid for me trying to confide in a total stranger I never met before. By instinct I am convinced you are an honest person and you have the capacity to handle this transaction with me. As soon as it is done, I will come over with to meet you and spend the rest of my live in your country. I wish to invest the money into estate business and other good business you may propose. I promise to greatly compensate you for any assistance you may offer me. I do not know how you may feel about this but I want you to take this very serious and confidential.
Michelle Marcel

*****

Dear Ms. Michelle –

I’m concerned about your safety. How is your recovery from the coma? And I am perplexed as to why you were even in a coma? I thought you were away at school when the tragedy struck? Was there another incident where you were? Please let me know.

Yours in Christ,

-P

P.S. Are you in Japan? Also worried if you were affected by the earthquake today?

*****

Dear Pheney,
Thanks for your reply to my request for your assistance. It please me to let you know that I am serious about this transaction as my coming into contact with you a total stranger is an act of divine directions and I know that the good lord that made it possible for us to come into contact may have a divine arrangements and I pray that our relationship will be beneficial to the both of us amen.

I will appreciate all that you could do personally to assist me to a better future by assisting me complete this fund transfer to your nominated account.
As I told you in my previous email, I inherited the said sum of money from my late father who was into legal business and will implore you to assist me complete the fund transfer to your nominated account without further delay as my personal situation/security in this country is not too comfortable as I have already told you in my previous email.
To tell you briefly ,I have suffered too many untold hardship since the sudden death of my parents that is too much for me to bear at this my tender age and I will beg you to assist me to a better future as someone that I can look up to.
Presently, this fund is still deposited in one of the commercial banks here and all documents of the fund have my name as the next of kin but I do not know what and what it will take to complete this fund transfer to your nominated account since I have never done a transaction of this nature before.
To enable us proceed in this transaction without further delay, I will want to hear from you again today and on my receipt of your message, I will put you in contact with the banker where this fund is deposited so that you will arrange with him for the smooth transfer of this fund to your nominated account in the manner that you find comfortable and safe.
If not for the present political situation in our country, I would have asked you to fly down here so that we can meet face to face so that we can go together to the bank where this fund is deposited and you handle all the transfer aspect directly with the bankers but if you can or cannot make the trip down here, let me know so that I can give you the bankers contact so that you can start to arrange this fund transfer with him on my behalf. I will offer you 25% of the total sum for your assistance.
As per the type of investment, I do not have any particular investment in mind but will want you to use your experience to handle this aspect provided it will be beneficial to all of us.
Please send to me in your next email, your direct phone and fax number so that I can have the pleasure of speaking with you and as to send to you the fund receipt and my picture and do as well tell me a bit about yourself and send to me your pic .Should you need additional information concerning this fund, about me or this transaction, please do not hesitate to ask as I will give you all info.
Thanks for your sincere kindness as I hope to read from you again today.
Remain blessed.

God bless you

Michelle
NB,pls read read urgently and understand my situation down here

http://www.businessweek.com/news/2011-03-11/ivory-coast-s-workers-queue-for-salaries-as-crisis-drags-on.html

http://www.npr.org/2011/03/09/134397113/Crisis-Deepens-In-Ivory-Coast-Political-Standoff

*****

I just don’t understand why you were in a coma?

Please explain! What happened to you, Michelle?

You may call me Pheneyneus.

-P

*****

Dear Pheneyneus
Very glad to read from you so quick because i need your urgent help and assistance to come over of this danger and fear right now in my life otherwise i will face rape by gunmen. Last week the rebels attacked my street in Abobo Abidjan and killed seven women with more than thousand of men which i never seen before in my life because of the political crises and unrest going on in my country, I may die anytime from now if you did not help me quick because since yesterday meeting of leaders of united nation in Ethiopia that declare the incumbent president here to set down ,another heavy fight have started and keep hundreds dead without anyone knowing ,i could not go back to family house because i ran away from wicked uncle’s who are after my life by forcing me to marry a man of 71 years old in order to maintain family inheritance or they will poisoned me.i have been in coma when i heard that my total family is wiped away and uncle could not allow me to live since I’m the only survival of the family ,again seeing death face to face by meeting rebels choosing whom to kill or live ,I’m in total coma ,confused and troubled ,please save my life, I will want you to put Ivory Coast crises and see what is going on here,i hope for you to set me free from this bondage, fear and hunger. Most important thing put me in your daily prayers
God bless you
Michelle

*****

Wow, sorry to hear about the rape thing and the coma and the evil Uncle and the old husband deal and the potential poisoning. Oh, and the gunmen. Almost forgot about them, gunmen suck. That all really stinks. I’ve had a bad year, too, the stock market just can’t quite decide where to go. Up and down. Up. Down. It’s a little maddening to watch it every day, you know? It’s just … well, frustrating, in many ways. We all have our trials, I guess! :-)

This all reminds me … my aunt used to get these coma-like things. Well, they were sort of a cross between that and those ice-cream headaches you get sometimes. A friend of mine calls them brain freezes, which is kind of funny. Anyhoo, I think she was sort of lactose intolerant, and sometimes when she’d drink like a REALLY big Frosty, the coldness and the intolerance thing would just kind of gang up on her and she’d be totally out for the count, you know? You could practically kick her in the side and she wouldn’t budge.

But then she started taking these lactaid pills right before eating ice cream, and they really helped her out. I mean really. No bad gas stuff or anything. Maybe you should stop at one of the Ivory Coast CVS or Walgreen stores and pick some up. They’re usually over by the antacids, way past the seasonal and toy aisles. I’ll be really interested to hear out if those help you out, even a little.

Well, if there’s anything I could do for you to help out, just let me know! I can always help a friend in need!

Best regards,

-P

*****

Dear
Thanks for your mail and giving details, please i will need more information from you to enable me submit to the bank who will start working on how to get the inheritance transfer and also get me over there for new life and further my education, please send me your complete name, address, phone number and photos as soon as possible, hoping to read from you soon
God bless
Michelle

*****

Hey Michelle –

I could certainly send a care package; maybe some cookies, graham crackers, raisins, even some of those Ghirardelli chocolates. Do you have those in the Ivory Coast? They’re really good, they have these little individually wrapped squares. I love the milk chocolates with caramel inside. Warning: They can be messy, though!!!

Well, let me know your shipping address, and I’ll put together a box of goodies for you. Before you know it, you’ll have forgotten about all your silly troubles!

And let me know what kind of snacks are your favorites.

-P

*****

Dear
Thanks for your mail, I do not ask for snacks or cookies rather seeking for you’re urgently help to save my life and future, hope you send your details as soon as possible.
God bless
Michelle

*****

I’m sorry, Michelle, I guess that was kind of thoughtless of me. We can send healthier things—bread, fruits, celery. Or maybe a camera, hairbrushes, toiletries? You tell me what you need!

What is the weather like in the Ivory Coast this time of year?

Best,

-P

*****

[No response]

*****

Michelle –

I am growing concerned about you. I am hoping that you have not been killed or something. Please let me know if you have been or not. I will do whatever I can to help!!

-P
*****

[No response]


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Greetings, fellow smart asses!

So we all know about the infamous “Nigerian scams” that come to our email inboxes. I’m not sure if anyone actually falls for these dumb things, all of which are fake attempts to get money from us—or our personal information or our bank account numbers or our credit cards—and rip us off.

There have been a lot of attempts over the years to expose who these criminals really are. And while I think that’s a worthy thing, I prefer to simply waste their time for my own amusement.

My overall goal is to get these people “off message.” They have their little scripts that they use over and over. I try to make them think they have a potential sucker on the line—but through stupid conversation and irrelevant details, keep the prize just out of their hands.

I hope you enjoy the silliness!

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